Forgive AND forget?

[WCW]

I was horse camping this weekend and had a GREAT time! Also heard stories of another M biting the dust, 20+ years and the 40something H moved out of the bedroom and stayed out in the bars, then started going home with ow 2 or 3 times a week. Maybe that isn't the correct sequence of events. sigh

I remember a few years ago H and I were in a restauraunt and the waitress ended up talking about her deadbeat boyfriend. I asked why she stayed with him, she was surprised I asked and said 'well, at least he doesn't beat me.'

I always think of that story when I compare my H to other H's. At least he doesn't...
We have such a long ways to go yet to have a real R.
We have another anniversary in a few days.

A friend stopped in to pick some of my wonderful apples while I was not home. I talked to her the next day and she said she talked to H and asked him how he and I were doing. He told her we were doing good. I suppose, what else would he tell her? - how about this - 5 years ago I started sleeping on the couch while I was hooked up with ow and looking for my own place, and now it's so comfortable that I'm still there.

H calls me a few times during the week. Sometimes to ask me to do something, sometimes to share information. I am grateful for the contact, but I am mixed about his requests of me. I want to be more than a gopher or checkbook to pick supplies. Yet it is a connection coming back between us and I think I have to keep my mindset as such.

Then I did something today I haven't done in a long time. I heard a 'trigger' song on the radio and acted on impulse and I called H. Left a voicemail with a little bit of a mushy message saying remember when....? H won't make any acknowledgement of my message, no expectations there!

If I ask for a hug H will hug back but usually have something to say that he is late and has to go. That is still an improvement over the 'hug a tree' or limp fish he gave for so long.
I really am feeling like I've gotten so used to this stage we are in that I don't even realize how comfortable I am now by going without the fairy tale I had. I suppose I need to figure out what steps to take if any? but first I have to finish the show and trailride/camping season.

It finally quit pouring outside, guess I better get to work!