Naughty S! on sunday when he phoned to say he was on his way back, he asked what I'd be doing all weekend, riding madam and out to dinner with friends, he laughed and told me I was being shifty and that he'd seen H's name on the calendar, anyway I pffed him off and said I'd probably be in bed as I was tired.
Last night we sat eating chips and humous whilst waiting for dinner to finish cooking and again, so what did you do? Did you see dad? Yes we had a pleasant evening, anyway he kept trying to dig out info but I kept giggling and not giving any, upshot was he asked would I go to live with H if he asked me.. I answered "dont think it was going in any reconciling direction" Wonder if that will get back to H lol! But it got me thinking and I dont think H would like my answer. Hell no way I love it up here, Im a country girl at heart not a townie and I really couldnt go back, on top of the fact its my friends here who have made all this more bearable, unlike H who has made my life hell instead of talking to me about his feelings!
My feelings are all in a bit of a turmoil today, I really love the guy but its made me realise that I want my own life as much as he wants his and to get that is going to take a lot of negotiation, if he is to believed he has been allowing me to have my own way for years, when I thought we were making joint decisions we wernt. Anyway enough of that nonsense he hasnt made contact since his last txt, although that was at 9am so I must have been on his mind first thing! Think Im having trouble nailing my expectations ladies need some advice/boot up the bum!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I am going to be absolute no use to you now for advice as I now have to 180 my 180's which is a contradiction but that's how it goes.
I think for you and your sitch you are doing extremely well and you just need to keep it going as you have been. Of course you now want your own life as much as your H that is because you have had a taste of it but even if all gets resolved with your R and we all hope that is the case, there is no reason for you to give up your new life, it would just mean that both of your independent lives have to be adapted to allow you both time to be together and time to do the things you enjoy independently of each other.
See Oz thats the whole issue, when H had his heart attack a few years back we both realised how much it was important to live your life to the full, but I think we over did it, that coupled with H not being able to communicate, and I mean that in he didnt feel he could because I'd erupt and even if he felt he could I dont think he could have verbalised it anyway if that makes sense.. Dont think being independant is going to be a problem but communication sure is as a) hes got to learn how to b) i'm going to struggle not knowing whats true and what he is putting up with.. Dont know why this is all bothering me today, I feel like we are both doing Pullbacks!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
^^Rabbit, I think that Oz has put it really well and I echo her sentiments.
I also praise your loving detachment and marvel at how well you have grasped it by the horns to a point where you are so content with yourself and your new life. Wish you could bottle that - I would have a crate full sent out on the next BA flight!!
... but I hear the fact that you feel that both of you are doing pullbacks. I feel that's where my H and I are at.
Like Oz, I don't know what to tell you right now. I would just sit on the fence and wait and see ... you are doing OK. I think that Oz's situation today has stopped us all in our tracks and made us think. We do what we feel is right but how can we ever know?
I'm here to support you this evening but as I am just back from the C, my head is all over the place and I have no wisdom to pull out of the hat. Sorry - I know that it's disappointing as we always want our buds to share what they are feeling but I just don't have anything right now, other that which Oz has already said so succinctly.
Will try a bit more for you tomorrow. Have a great day - go out and ride madam like a wild woman!!
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Nell & Oz just knowing that you both care to come and make sure Im ok is more than enough (hugs) Its funny as H has always said I'd never have liked living in Aus because Im too uptight about things being done properly and the natural Aus way of life is a bit too go with the flow for me! How ironic my two newest mates live where Aus lol! Perhaps he doesnt know me as well as he thought!
Think youre right Nell, Oz's news has shaken the ground a little although I really hope for her/you if your reading this that its a prelude to good things even if not the way its been expected.
Believe me no one is more shocked at the fact that my H who had shut up shop and shut me out, was the person that I spent 24hrs with ML and his words "how does it feel to be desired" still rattling round in my brain, along with my own ones of "outta sight outta mind" Only time will tell I suppose! Tonight is the half way mark for a telephone call, and I just dont think Im going to get one! So Oz cheers I'll raise my glass to you!
As they say tomorrow is another day, and my reply "thank goodness for that"
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 09/22/0904:19 PM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well thats me tonight! Obviously H is suffering pull back after the penny dropped on his weekend of letting his wife past the apparently no longer existing wall! No contact from him again, just another useless promise of I'll in few days, he obviously no longer knows what a few of anything is..
Knew I was wasting too much brain space planning our friday night together this weekend, at the moment I feel like telling him to get lost and not to bother me no more, but I suppose NC and mysterious will have to do again!
ARrrhhh feeling so frustrated and used at the moment, and extremely ranty! Look where expectation gets you!
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 09/22/0908:36 PM.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Morning/evening Rabbit, Good thing that you knew the pull back would happen, eh? At least it dampens the pain slightly when you know that's what is to be expected. Think how much it would hurt if you hadn't known that ..
Yes, it's pretty laid back here about lots of things but there are stil exacting standards about so much. As the culture is so very Anglo-American, in my opinion, we get the fun relaxed ways in lifestyle but the stiff upper lipped British style about other stuff - as well as the litigious culture from our friends across the pond. All in all, it's not a bad life, even though it's taken me four years to settle. That's the next anniversary for us - having been here 4 years on October 14th. I can live with that one. That will be just another day.
What plans for tomorrow (((Rabbit)))?
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
Like you say Nell its a good job we know these things are coming, I know he is working late several nights this week as the project ends his mind is going to be very occupied/stressed. Unless I get some sorta apology or at least a I missed you, Im going to be going out friday, even if for a couple of hours.
Im away all weekend on a riding course which had a great impact on my riding last time I went, so Im really looking forward to it and again dinner with a group of nameless friends lol! H is cat sitting sat/sun. Sat he has a train thing but I doubt if he will be here sun as I dont get back till the evening.
Oh well ce sera as they say!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Oh that sounds like big fun Rabbit! Wish I were coming with you.
Yes, I think that sometimes these WA's deserve to be treated like a spoiled child and they need a lesson to correct a bad behaviour.
Reading Cas's thread and inspired by your words above, I plan to tell H next time that he can't come here unless he behaves - and that means no flouncing out the door!
How has your day started? What are your plans .... ??
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
and again dinner with a group of nameless friends lol! H is cat sitting sat/sun. Sat he has a train thing but I doubt if he will be here sun as I dont get back till the evening.