Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

Back to numb.

She just called me at work just now. She found a place.

She asked me how involved I wanted to be. We talked for nearly an hour. We went over a lot of the same stuff, but with a little different approach. I said I'm trying to be understanding that she feels she needs this. I don't like it, but I understand that she feels she needs it.

We talked a little about the relationship with her GF. She got really defensive made it sound as if I just don't want her to have friends. I took quite an exception to that and clarified a little, but kept my cool. (She's VERY protective of the GF) W said she thought I had "gotten over it." I told her that out of respect for her, I just hadn't brought it up, but of course it still was an issue that someone else is more significant to my W than I am. I also said that I understand where you are at and how and why it is the way that it is.

We rehashed a bunch of things and she, as she has done before, said that she has told me things that she has never said. Finally she admitted "maybe I said that to my GF, or IC, but I meant to tell you." She said she appreciates me. She loves me. She would be "heartbroken" if she was in what she thought was a happy marriage and this happened to her and if someone else was suddenly chosen as #1 over her.

I told her I still didn't know what the plan was. Is she still planning this as temporary? She said that's the goal, but can't make any promises because she knows she isn't happy here. It's difficult to promise that she'll be back.

She still wants to run her business from our house. She'll be in our house every day. She's mostly looking forward to redecorating her new place.

We talked about a lot more, who pays for what, previous friendships, how she was so unhappy in our marriage and that's how GF became #1 to her, but overall she's moving.

The more I told her I would be supportive the less defensive she got and eventually started crying.

I'm numb again. Not falling apart. Just numb.