Well, despite my 'better judgement' my H and I went out to for lunch yesterday and to visit the beautiful new mall that just opened on the other side of the City. Needless to say our Wedding Anniversay day was a non-event.
I had no expectations, at least I'd told myself I didn't, but as the day dragged on I realized that secretly, I did want something.
I think I wanted the same things I've continued to want for the past several months. I want H to say ILY face-to-face. I want WORDS. I know he's doing 'acts-of-service'...but that's not my LL. I want words of assurance, I want the mushy stuff that you read in Hallmark cards. I want the stuff that my H is apparently NOT capable of giving me.
I don't know how to 'tell him what I want' anymore because it seems to me that I've told him these things in every way I can (short of smoke signals)and still nothing.
I am keeping calm, I am letting time pass, I am holding on...but...I am becoming resentful (I know that doesn't help, but I am human after all).
Deadlines seem to work for me and my PMA...so my deadline is October 19, 2004. IF we're still together on that day but my H has still made no attempt to meet my emotional needs, then I will walk away because I have come to see that MY NEEDS and WANTS are just as valid and important to me as HIS obviously were/are to him.
I feel like we're just spinning our wheels right now, treading water and getting nowhere. We need to either move forward (and he has to be moving with me not being dragged along)or we are wasting more of our valuable time and life. T2
I agree with Deb, read LL's post. I was thinking about you last night and this morning I log on and read LL's post and thinking this is what T2 needs to do....let it go and see what happens or Just Do It (read Sage's also).
