What I was doing is from looking in the mirror. I realized that I took over a lot of situations from her and gave her responsibilities that she did not want.
Knowing nothing I do now affects the outcome,but everything I do is and knowing she is watching me.
I am trying to switch roles with her. She gets her wants and I take her responsibilities. That is not a fixing,that is letting have something that i had taken away.
For example feeding the kids,she takes them out to eat now, I stayed up late last nite and made them dinner and dropped it off to a neighbor. Last wk when I had them i treated them to Wendys my last nite, both kids said man dad you didn't take us out to eat one day this wk. Now I'm sure they're complaining about it to her, i know there was a time when she worked all day and made dinner and no one ate it or ate together and she felt her time was wasted.
Another comment that was made by her, I was never there when needed,dr appts,paying bills,school conferences,taking kids to practice,helping with homework.
I am doing what I am doing because ONE those things are important to me and I didn't take the time to do them, I kept my butt at work and I always wanted to do them.
the dinner part, she always wanted us to have a sit down dinner, it never happened in 18yrs the only time we all ate together as a family was on a holiday. That was my fault!
Of course she's frustrated, i have confused the hell out of her and no matter what she thought i was going to do, I'm not doing it.
I was always the one that emailed or texted first or called first or said hi first or asked for conversation first.
This is a woman that thought i would kill myself if divorce was ever mentioned. it has and i haven't. She thinks I can be a mean s o b and be very unforgiving and mean and controlling and I never asked for help.
I know for a fact I am doing the opposite of what she thought I was and doing what I want to do,regardless of what she thought I'm not.
She thought I was a bigot. I grew up in Boston in a very diverse neighborhood where everyone was a stereotype. We live in the midwest. Guess what I don't use slang anymore, a person told me this or that, not what I used to say.
I have reached out to family that I flat cut off for past wrongs,now she knows I talk to them.
So yes I am frustrating her. The old relationship is gone at somepoint there is going to be a new one.
Oh she also knew me as someone that would get frustrated and not finish what I started. I prayed to God when this all started to put people and situations in my life to make sure I stay the course.
Ok so you did all of that. You showed her you aren't the man you were.
Has it really lasted? It sounds sort of like fluff.
You don't call people what you used to, you are being more forgiving...
But on here, in this very thread, many times you have talked about wanting to hurt the OM/neighbor/whatever he is.
You are still angry. That is the type of stuff you need to look at. And those changes do not happen over night.
So the small things frustrate her. Of course they do, if you can do them now, why didn't you do them then? But it will take her time to adjust herself to anything you do and you have to accept that.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Oh she also knew me as someone that would get frustrated and not finish what I started. I prayed to God when this all started to put people and situations in my life to make sure I stay the course.
He gave me you.
You always NOT listen when God calls you ?
-This is God AYK....
---Can you hold please ? I need a break.
Pay attention AYK, there is a lot of good info on this thread...
I also read that you have a hard time "absorbing" things.
Seek to understand, and then you will be understood.
Great on the changes already....What's stopping you from keeping them up?
I would like to hurt him, but she also watched me walk away from him a month ago when he said he found an apt for me to rent.
She knows 90 days ago I would've ended up in jail that nite. She knows a guy that has chased and yelled at teenagers driving too fast down the st and she remembers the broken hand i got from a fight a couple yrs ago. All things I didn't want to be or do, but thought i had to. she has seen or heard of two instances where i was goaded and just walked away and laughed.
so yes i am making changes for me, no one likes being uptight all the time.
