I don't really know if it's possible to attach your actions/responses to other's experience per se. Although you may get something that stands out & speaks to you, your course of action is & should be your own.
No matter how many times I read that your H had ample opportunity to get his sh*t together, I go back to, as Schnarch says in Passionate Marriage, "We always pick a marital partner who's at the same level of differentiation as we are."
A lot of time is spent here talking about your H and his foibles. Yep, agreed, he has many.
The question to me becomes, do you take a leap of faith (along with a b*tt load of action oriented positive steps on his part), and look at things from the view that you may turn your marriage around if you make it through the crisis point. Isn't that what Michele refers to in Divorce Remedy as Stage 5, together at last, after you've weathered the storm.
I know your H has said & done some ridiculous things, so if you're finished no one can blame you.
If, on the other hand, you're not entirely sure, it may be worth going through some more of what will undoubtedly be difficult circumstances to see if it leads to a better connection as a result.
