Quote: Ok, now think about this. We are defining our H's and talking about what they lack. What if we had to listen to them defining us to each other. What would they say? Probably that they can't believe we stuck by them, but what else? What about the way we treat them? What about meeting their needs? don't think I want to be there for that discussion Truthfully, I never really thought about it this way until now. I figured he owes me after all he's done, that its time for him to think about ME and MY needs. this will be good to remember if my H comes back, because part of me is thinking oh yeah he's going to owe me big time! I thought that way before he left too. I thought he should act the way I wanted him to act towards me. When he didn't, the resentment built up until communication broke down. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made before.
In order NOT to do that, I HAVE to change me and my expectations IF I want him back. there's that word expectation again, I really have to get over those, they are a roadblock If nothing changes, then nothing will change. I don't think any of us want that. We don't want to feel alienated from them again. Goal: to do all I can to make this NOT happen again, I know better now (NOT ALL OUR FAULT BY A LONGSHOT!)
Working on getting him back is where a lot of my energy has been going these last few months. If/when he does come back AM I going to be able to do what needs to be done, part of me is scared that he will come back!
Quote: We're looking for changes in them when they come back. I think the best way to change the way a person treats you is to change the way you treat them. SOMEONE has to do SOMETHING different. It might have to be us,and I know it's NOT FAIR, but once again, we have to be the strong ones that will strive for making the lasting changes that will work to the good of our M. Am I making sense here? absolutely, in fact way too much sense for me! I just turned the way we think around to get a different perspective. After all, isn't that what we want? Something different and better than what we had? I refuse to go back, only forward if/when H comes back, need to keep telling myself that, too.
I hear you Racheal, thanks for sharing your insights.
