I like the gist of your email, but I think it was a little vague. You mentioned a problem, but provided no concrete resolutions.
What exactly was unhealthy? What issue needs to be discussed that needs resolution? Is it an issue that BOTH of you need resolution or just you? Since you didn't address a specific issue that both of you agreed is a problem, then you just continue a pointless conversation.
Although it's good to be honest about how you feel, you sort of accused her of being the problem:
Quote:
I feel that you are deliberately avoiding me. What I’m getting from you is the “talk to the hand” response.
Perhaps a better way of saying that is this: "I feel like you're avoiding me - perhaps the way we're approaching conversations is not allowing us to really hear each other."
Quote:
I'm sorry you're feeling that way.
This is lame, it puts the blame on her for feeling a certain way - try: "I'm sorry I caused you to feel like you had to be on eggshells." Take some personal responsibility for it.
Again, you pointed out a problem, but you put the blame on her, and you didn't provide any sort of opportunity for resolution. For example, if you know of a specific issue, why don't you address the issue, offer a solution, and let her think about it? If you're not hearing each other, how about offering to let her completely share her thoughts on the topic that is most pressing to her? I mean, you don't open your mouth a single time. Take notes, and ask her what she thinks the best resolution is - even if you totally disagree with it. Then thank her for her thoughts, and let her know you'd like some time to really digest it. It'll be hard - I can remember literally biting my tongue until it almost bled!
I can understand the frustration in your mind of doing nothing! I'm the type of person that hates to just let stuff lie, but sometimes that's exactly what needs to happen.
aliveandkicking has poignantly detailed what a vulnerable place it is - if your W still has feelings for you, and your coming back has stirred those up, imagine how out of control she feels!
It is my opinion that time does heal wounds - but perhaps you've come and ripped the scars open at this point? Trust can not be built by any specific actions. You can't ask for trust, it must be given, and it must be given over a period of time. It is built, brick-by-brick. You can't just slam a wall in place, you must put on a brick, mortar it down, and move to the next. Then you must wait for the mortar to dry, then you must test the wall to make sure it is strong.
One final suggestion - I would suggest posting your emails on here for perusal. I remember doing that, and I ended up not sending about 95% of what I wanted to send!
