Help - Husband in MLC

[Dia]

Yes, red flags went up all over for me about the behavior being controlling as having double standards is one way they do it.

I'm not sure what I'm about to say is right or productive,but if it were me, I would not stand for letting him blame me and make me miserable when I've done nothing wrong. Emotional blackmail. I would lay down some boundaries about having an independent social life and I would call him flat out on the double standard and tell him that doesn't work for me. I would reassure him on the fidelity issue yes, but he's being an insecure, controlling idiot at present.

I may be saying this wrong, but Schnarch talks about this as the two-decision dilemma, I htink. YOU get to decide whether or not his behavior is tolerable to you. Then HE gets to decide whether or not to alter his behavior to bring it within your tolerance. If he decided not to, then YOU get to decide if you want to be with him.

I believe the M is salvagable and you should feel free to tell him that (assuming you believe it, too). But not at the price of you being controlled, losing your autonomy or being held to unreasonable standards. And even aside from the rest of it, "You took too long to email me back" is a blitheringly unreasonable standard.

Controlling behavior pretty much always comes out of major insecurity. Has he been guilty of being insecure or controlling in the past?