I do believe that there is a part of you that wishes your husband was right, that things could eventually be repaired and the family/marriage restored.
Frankly, I'd be shocked if there was not some part of you that still hoped for that. We all have been there. Many here still ARE there. I think it's the surest sign there is that things are over - that you no longer hope that things will work out.
It's hard to pass judgement on a man that we know only through what you have shared with us. Certain things are obvious - adultery is ALWAYS a bad thing and reflective of a person with serious, marriage-destroying characteristics. Other things are not so clear, and we do both you and your husband a disservice by assuming too much. I say this as much for myself as for anyone, because my inclination all along has been to find nothing but fault with this man.
That being said, I truly hope that you would almost literally need mountains to move to allow this man to re-enter your life as a husband.
His betrayal of you has lasted YEARS. Not days, not weeks, not months...YEARS. He has shown the ability to not only betray physically his vows to you, he has shown the ability to lie openly and frequently about what he has done. And while he now points the finger at himself, it was not so long ago that he was quick to name YOU the problem in the relationship.
These are not on the top of the list when it comes to attributes you look for in a life long spouse.
At the very least, this man has SIGNIFICANT counseling in front of him to address these inclinations.
And that's if he can ever even get to the point where he can honestly admit that these are problems for him.
I too value the family and the marriage. I did not want my lifelong marriage to come to an end. But now that it has, I can tell you that sometimes the change turns out to be a good change, even a necessary change. Opportunities do not end, life does not stop, families are not forever ruined. Yes, divorce is hard, painful, costly and damaging. But so is willingly subjecting yourself to a spouse who has made it clear that their character will regularly lead them away from you and to another.
Your children are young, so I'm not sure how much of their father's indiscretions they know about or can understand. My boys were older, and let me tell you that 14 and 18 year-olds understand all too well what it means to have a father or mother who slept with another.
I join the others in wanting the best for you and your family. It would be wonderful if this would turn out to be a seminal moment in your husband's existence; if he would recognize his shortcomings, come clean with his wrongs, and truly seek healing that would eventually make a life together possible. But don't allow yourself to be one of those people who allow the return home to be too easy, and in the process allow the poor choices by your spouse to continue.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
