So should I go to mediation as he wants even though I don`t want us to separate-feel at the very least we should work on us before letting marriage go. But don`t want to force him to stay either?
H stayed away all evening. Home briefly for something to eat though I was gone with the younger two at the time.
No improvement. No huge tension either.
He is sick-has a form of arthritis that has just flared up now. I did ask if there was something i could get him knowing he was in pain. But no.
He doesn`t look well.
But I know that`s not my problem.
I`m GALing away. Happy enough most of the time actually. Can see lots of blessings in all of this.
Hey Fall,
You have to let him go....It's the only way.
You still being here, and chosing to stand for this, is enough to let him know how YOU feel about this.
No need to rehash unless he starts it.
I see a lot of your focus on him still. Lots of things you say are about what he is doing and saying....
Okay, up for discussion here now....
I have noticed, here and at home, that a lot of MLC'ers come down with "mystery" illnesses.
I ( we) ( her ) have been through the whole gammet. MRI's, Catscans, X-rays.....you name it, we've done it....
All were negative, nothing conclusive, but the fact that there was the concern....
I know there are others here that have been through the same...
Yes, mystery aches and pains and a touch of hypochondria in our house, too. And H actually seems to be catching more "real" illnesses than normal as well.
While it is incredibly painful, I agree that he just needs to be let go. I know you are strong enough to handle it and make things the best you can for the kids. And who knows . . . maybe a separation would be what he needs. And I know. It all just sucks. But you seem to have come so far and looking back over your posts grown and changed so much since this all began - the positives!
Boat, my comments on him today were about journalling for me(er, I think!) I know you`ve been spot on about me and detachment( or lack of same!) in the past so I`ll watch that one.
Thank you, thank you folks re helping me let go. Yup, gotta let it roll no matter how hard I find it.
And its a lot easier than it was three months ago-.
This board just saves my sanity most days!
Yup, H has had a Cat scan too. Didn`t find anything though. But then probably looked in the wrong place for brain activity....
Mine has also had a CT and x-rays and all that with nothing earth shattering found. Cat, mine is the opposite. Never used to go to the doctor but now seems to want every little thing checked out.
Letting go-we all have to define it for ourselves. It used to mean something very different to me than it does now.
It isn't just something we do because they need it. It is something we give to ourselves.
I used to be afraid that if I let go, that would mean that I was agreeable to a D. That I would carry hurt and hate with me. I have learned that, for me, that is not what it means at all.
Through letting go, my definition of it, I have given myself a precious gift. Someone called me a brat last night. I am. A little. But that was me. The me that I have buried for so long. It was effortless.
That is what I wish for everyone here. It doesn't have to be something to dread.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You are right about the letting go being something different for all of us. For me, it is probably most about realizing that I have no control over his actions/decisions, etc. and that they aren't mine to fix. That has definitely gave me a sense of release and relief and yes, it is still something I have to consciously do sometimes but it is getting easier and easier.
