I guess this is progress. I told her that until she is over her anger that we should not continue with these talks of R and M. But she insists that it is helping us figure things out. I feel that it is not, because we keep talking about the same stuff and she can't move past it yet.
Hi ISLMY,
I hope that your day is going well. I welcome you as other's already have to this awesome resource that we have going on here. Use it wisely to learn and grow.
I cited the above quote because it is semi- perplexing to me. If your W wishes to talk and is attempting to initiate talks, then by all means DO NOT try and shut the talking down because you have internal debates as to how useful to YOU the talks may be. It is NOT about you man. It is time for you to be quiet and listen to her.
Real quickly another piece of advice that I would offer up to you is that you take a big step back from some of these unorthodox strategies that you seem to have a tendency to engage in. I am specifically referring to lunch/coffee "dates" with females. While the word date might seem strong for me to be calling such an encounter, I think that I am seeing it the way that your W is seeing it. That is all that matters after all is said and done. She has and will see any such encounter between you and a member of the opposite sex as being a date.. Very clearly it is WRONG and innapropriate for a man who professes to be in love with his W and wants to see his M be restored to be carrying on in ways that could in any way be perceived as being ready to exchange her for some one else.
I think I may have seen you remark about understanding what it means to detach. Lemme just say that if you think that you have an understanding of what detachment means, more than likely you don't. When talking about this subject, my mind tends to conjure up cinematic images of young "green" 10th degree black-belt wanna be's who make a retreat to some far off Far East remote location for mind and body grueling training. Do you get the image in your mind?
For you to claim that you have even an inkling of what it means to detach would be like the young "green" martial arts trainee to try and tell the "Master" that he is now ready to get moving on with some more advanced stuff.
In a few words, Be patient my fellow DB'er ..be very patient.
You now can say that you have experienced some 2X4's on here courtesy of me and FIB.
Just remember we 'swing the lumber' with love and only love.
I hope a little of what I said made some sense. Take it slow buddythat way your mistakes, which there will surely be many, will not be so advanced.
