The caring husband is a self admitted 180 for you, and it seems to be working. Do the things that help your situation and do not do the things that hurt.
I myself moved back into our marital bed after 2 nights of being in the guest room at her request. It was my realization that this was her decision to try to break up our family and she could move out if she wanted. This was my first step into being the man of the family.
It sounds that you have issues of true giving which is wanting nothing in return for what you do for her. When you reach that state of mind of true giving, then the rewards are great. At least in my S it has been.
