Sandi, Thank you for your reply. You are right I am very confused right now. You asked what do I really want? That seems to change on a daily basis. Most days I want my family intact and want to get on with healing our marriage relationship. Some days I feel I can't handle living like this anymore where there is pleasant conversation about nothing and dealing with the kids together and then we go to separate beds with no hug goodnite--which is a killer to me because I am a very physical person. He tells me he does not know how to communicate with me and so I think to my self how can I strike up small conversation just so we can talk and I can't even think of anything to talk about. How do I learn how to communicate so he feels he can talk to me? My coach tells me about reflective listening but I guess I suck at that. My problem is that all of this seems to be a game to me and I hate playing games. I just like to get it all out on the table and deal with it and figure ways to learn new tools and make things better. I've always been told to run to trouble, not turn away from it and I feel this is turning away from it and I feel my H may feel I am giving up and giving him permission to continue to grow apart. Maybe that is my own insecurity. I want to ask my H why he is still here when I told him to go and move out and let me go if that is what he wants--he won't do it. So I want to know what is holding him back--unless he sees there could be a chance of us reconnecting somehow and so I just want to get that out on the table. I know you all say this will never work. I am just trying to get into that mind frame.
I'll be honest and say I am not sure if I can get past this affair, but if I don't try and we try together how will I know? I will also be honest about going it alone because we decided as a couple that I would stay at home with the kids and he would provide and by doing that has left me only able to get low paying jobs. I am scared to be alone. Please don't think I am pathetic or week, but I do hold the sanctity of marriage very high in my heart and feel that tearing the lives of innocent children apart totally wrong. By the way, I did not get that job I applied for. that was also a huge set back for me yesterday and made me feel pretty low and realize all I want to do is be a wife and mom to by family. that is what I am happy with and that is why this is killing me because I am being forced to go out and get something to support me. I sometimes feel my H is just waiting for me to get a job before he leaves for good. That I know is in my head and he has never said that but he asks everyday if I have heard anything about a job. So yes I am down right now and it is hard for me to process that I may be loosing the one thing I have lived to do with the man I promised to spend the rest of my life with which is to be a home maker.
I have been reading all of your suggestions on how to cope with a WAH and it helps, I just want to also learn how to communicate better so he feels he can talk to me. He has been sharing more with me about his family and his work stuff, but I am not sure how to be a good reflective listener to draw him out to talk more. I need things to talk about. I am just not sure how long I can go on like this. I need touch and I want to get my H back. I am willing to keep trying, but please understand this is foreign to me and very hard, but I don't ever let him see me like this. I am trying to settle down and take it a day at a time, I just feel as if I am wasting time.
I am open for any other suggestions on communication and anything else that can help me.
