Maybe I'm just different, but there's no way in h-e-double-hockysticks I would ever NOT know if my wife was still having an affair. Everyone says "DON'T SNOOP!", but what good does it do to NOT know?
The core of DBing IS unnatural, Tristan -- it may be the most counterintuitive thing you ever do.
I think you have a decision to make. There are those who are very strongly in the camp of doing what you're doing now. And then there is Robx's and Gucci's advice, which is very different. Reasonable people can disagree about which way to go, and which is true "DBing." But what you CAN'T do is keep waffling back and forth between the two approaches.
Let me ask you two questions:
1. What is your wife's biggest marital complaint?
2. What would you say was your prior* marital interpersonal style: accommodating/pleasing/rescuing/NiceGuy, or controlling/assertive/distant?
