I am scared that I messed up...

[faithisbelieving]

have been working on myself to become a better man.

Stop saying this. You sound like a salesman and they HEAR YOU as a salesman. It's 'cheesy'. She'll see it if you really are. Men don't sell themselves. It also comes across as begging and pleading.

I hold told her that I am working on improving myself so that "my next relationship" is much superior to our current relationship.

Translated: If you don't come back to me, I'm getting someone else. Nah nah ni nah nah. Please...stop this stuff. You may not see this but you sound like a little hurt boy.

She looked at me puzzled

Duh?
You thumbed your nose at her.

She probed more about my coffee "date" as she put it and I told her about my friends situation and did not reveal any of the advice she gave me.

You basically told your wife that you met up with a woman and listened to her problems, probably reinforcing to her that you don't do that with her. It's almost as if you told her that you had a mini EA. Why?

she decide not to move forward with me then I would find someone else that would enjoy being with the new me.

What a great way to get her to respond to that threat. Ugh. Keep saying this stuff and she WON'T move forward with you.

She questioned who, and I told her a girl I used to work with 20 years ago that I and chatted with on FB that afternoon

Was this smart to do when you are trying to save your marriage? Was it even smarter to tell her? Are you trying to create jealousy and controversy and further push her away?

One of her complaints over the years is that she plans everything and I just follow along.

I texted her asking if she could arrange for the babysitter

I then asked her if she had any ideas then.

Yawn. What do you wanna do? I dunno, what do you wanna do? I dunno what do YOU wanna do?.

Cut this crap. Next time, arrange the babysitter YOURSELF. YOU DECIDE what to do and if she doesn't like something, have Plan B ready.

I had to tell her that I apologize for my mistakes

Stop this. Women listen better than we do. She heard you apologize already. Just listen. You going to apologize yourself into a divorce. Read Wayne Levine's Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S.

FIB