Promising Nell, please tell me what is promising. Nothing went the way I had planned today, in fact it went so far in the opposite direction it isn't funny.
Oh and the pity party is at my house tonight, if you want you can join me, I have my red wine, chocolate and ice cream.
Sorry, just feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight as I still haven't fully comprehended what the hell transpired today. Please don't get made at me anyone for having a pity party tonight, I haven't had one in a while.
Enjoy the pity party - I'm sure that I will be droppping in later!
I think that it's promising Oz because you have got your coach on side now and you are really stirring things up. H is scared, I'm sure and he's just reacting. You have done too well lately for him not to be wondering what's happening. I don't believe that this is over by a long chalk yet.
Apologies Oz - I have to run as I will be late for my C otherwise. Will try to get back in a few hours.
You indulge yourself have the biggest "pity party" possible, and I will join you later in a glass. Im sure it all seems "shellshocked" at the moment, but hes basically gone into panic mode. One thing which is important to remember none of this is your doing! If Oz has to stay a little plumper and safer for H to feel comfortable then that is wrong on both sides of the coin. He really does have issues of his own to solve first so maybe being on his own will help that happen quicker, if you are there at home making it safe by just being there he maybe has put off his thinking! Most of all dont wear yourself out trying to analyse his behaviour its totally irrational at this point of time! Will pop in and out to see how the party is progressing later (hug)
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Pity party well under way on my second glass of red, but I have to work tomorrow so can't go nuts, about to break out the ice cream, hazelnut and chocolate swirl. Yum.
Hi Oz, Firstly hugs to you because it must be a really tough night for you. It's times like this when I wish I knew your phone number and we could have a real time chat. Next time I am in Melbourne we'll meet for lunch! I am so sorry your day has gone so pear shaped. As i read through all the posts since I added my quick message I realise that I don't really have any insightful and considered response. I do, however, endorse the chocolates, wine and icecream.
I was going to comment on your coaching conversation and what Laurie said about the reverse effect on your H. That was what I was posting about the other day when I asked for opinions from Dia. I had tried distancing before when I was having DB coaching and it backfired. Until recently we had made pleasing progress, although slow and my impatience and his cake eating sent me to nc once again. It's now 4 weeks since I had contact. Today he emailed asking for my solicitor's name. This may well just give you insight to another situation where Galing and independence may well have been detrimental. In my sitch I may just be ready for the financial dissolution but perhaps not through solicitors which we had previously said we would try to avoid.
Just some food for thought....
I sincerely hope you can resolve this in a timely and peaceful manner. Thoughts are with you. Cas
Laurie did echo my feelings that the GALing has had the opposite effect, she said that there are a small number of cases where GALing does not work and it depends on the type of H we are dealing with. She believes that my H is suffering a mild depression as well. She said that it was good that he could put into an email all his feelings as she said usually the H's do not communicate anything of their feelings.
My goal for today was to keep him at home, unfortunately due to circumstances at work it prevented me from answering him straight away, he took this as me not caring enough and so decided to leave.
He sent the email at 7.24am. I was at work early so I could do the coaching session. Email arrived in my inbox at 9.30am by the that time, auditors well and truly on their nit picking warpath through the trust books and files. I replied 1 1/2 hours later which according to him was far to late.
Mind you if I ever sent him an email and he didn't respond at all he saw nothing wrong in it, he was busy and that was all there was to it, end of story.
Laurie did feel we are dealing with an H who has double standards and that in itself presents problems.
I appreciate your thoughts Cas, it really makes you wonder how we keep going but we seem to no matter what gets thrown at us.
H has just made contact saying that once he feels that he has been cheated on then that is it for him, he can't change his mind on those thoughts. I said that I felt that was really unfair to make judgements based on absolutely no facts.
He said he will be in touch in the next couple of days. For my part I will not contact him at all, I may be wrong but I actually feel he owes me an apology for what I have been accused of doing. I started out as the victim and he has now portrayed me as the villain and him the victim. Not fair and to think all of this because I didn't respond quick enough to an email. Amazing to say the least.
I agree with you totally Oz, NC big style, from now on its all about YOU! He is being a complete (insert rude word of choice) and you dont deserve to be on trial with no evidence! Although if you spin this one on its head, it just goes to show how insecure your H is, and if you carry on DB'ing to regain your true self again he is really going to have to do some soul searching himself. Can you contact the DB coach again as I think that would be helpful as your situation is rather unique.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
