1) Do not panic and do not get desperate around him.
2) Reassure him that you do not have a BF.
3) Let him know that you are interested in working on the M, but not as the sole source of effort.
4) MAYBE - suggest he talk to Laurie, alone, so he can give his side.
If he pushes for transparency, maybe even consider letting him read your thread here. Afterall, you *don't* have anything to hide save a burning desire to save your M. And if he sees that some of his antics have annoyed you, well, tough! Time for the big boy pants. Also, if he gets transparency from you, you get it from him or no deal.
Last edited by Dia; 09/22/0903:47 AM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Oz, I have some stuff to tell you and some comparisons in our situations. I have an appointment and have to rush out the door but I will be back tonight. (((((Oz)))))
I think he may have read your thread. If so, he is giving you the gucci and you are jumping through hoops like a trained poodle.
You had him worried. Then he stays out all night. He ignores you at the gym, so you talk with him. He is gruff with you at home so you invite him climbing the next day. He says you didn't answer his email fast enough and you jump to call him. WTF?
Maybe you just need to stand still and get your bearings a bit. Analyze his response to what you do or not do. I cannot believe it is in any way good to reward him for treating you badly.
Seriously though, I know you are right Dudess. This has just come out of left field and knocked me over. I just can't get my head around someone telling me for months that they don't want me for whatever reason then turn it around and I am suddenly the bad cheating wife who has actually done nothing except try and keep busy whilst he has been out doing who knows what with whom and all I have done is go to the movies and shopping and dinner with friends.
If I had the courage I would like to tell him how his behaviour has affected me, how I could very easily accuse him of having an A whether a permanent one or a one night stand it doesn't matter.
I actually feel as though he is viewing me as a tart which I am not, I have morals and values that I don't lower for anyone and I am actually very deeply hurt by the accusations he has made.
In fact I am so deeply hurt that this has reduced me to tears and I haven't cried in a long while. What a day an irrational H and nit picking auditors that also make you feel like a criminal even though you haven't done anything wrong, surely nothing else can happen today, don't think I could take it.
He has decided that time apart is the answer for now as anything I say about not having an A is not changing his view at present.
The jealousy bug has bitten him big time, because he pointed out that I said goodbye to the spin instructor last night (I actually asked to be booked in for next week's class). This behaviour is exactly how he acted when we first met, I could not talk to any other men and heaven help me if I did. Over time he mellowed but it is like it has all come back out again in him like he is 18 all over.
Obviously the new underwear and clothes has tipped him over the edge. Problem is I had to get all that as nothing was fitting any more. He has formed the opinion that I am presenting myself to other men.
Breathe Oz (hugs) it might seem like its all gone pearshaped but actually perhaps this shake up is what he needed. You say he has reverted to some boy behaviour, my H certainly did, infact the one good thing was that having brought up a S I could see the similaraties! it also shows you just how much turmoil your H is going through and IMHO its not all "script" as some one said on here recently just because you perceive something not to have been hurtful it is hurtful to your spouse and therefore giving them pain.
Ok he has gone, I thought my world had ended the day H and I separated, but actually its been good for both of us, he needed time to think without any pressures from being with me, and from that I dont mean pursuing etc, I think just having me in situ was causing even more confusion, guilt and pain, and like you have to step away from a situ to "see the wood for the trees" I think he was the same! and maybe you GAL has done the same for your H.
Its good you have a DB councellor on board, Im certainly going to suggest we talk to one if we get any nearer reconciling, or if not on my own when I get a job. I know your sitch is different to mine, but Im all ears if you need to bend one!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I don't really know how his moving out is going to help at all, he is of the belief that I am having an A and that anything he may have done over the past few months now does not matter it is all about me now and his perception of me being unfaithfull or at least trying to attract other men.
The unfortunate downside of me losing weight which was not intentional but happened once I was taken off the contraception I was on when I got sick, the weight fell off and then combined with me toning up and now looking exactly as I did when we met appears to have stirred up the jealousy again, when I was carrying the extra weight and clothes did not look as good as they do now on me, he never worried. His tone and manner towards me is now borderline hostile.
On coming home it is like a whirlwind has gone through the house, he has cleared out the washing and ironing baskets along with his wardrobe and drawers.
I find his actions today particularly clearing out his stuff when I wasn't here quite cowardly and it is almost like he has been waiting for a reason to pin on me to give him a reason to leave.
