Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

Hey BJ, question for you that I am struggling with big time.

I am getting so resentful and hurt thinking about how much money I will have to hand over to my W every week, so she can be the single women she want so be.

You are further into this than I am, have you felt the same issues? How are you coping with those? Has the financial picture become clearer as you move along to both the W and you?

It is going to be such a financial burden on me, and she is going to be handed more money from me every week than she has ever even made at a job by herself, that it can't look as anything but a blessing to her.

I keep coming back to this, and struggling mightily.

IWITW,

Actually I'm focused on our kids right now and getting equitable custody- hopefully 50/50. I'm a survivor of D myself so I know what these kids are going to go through and I'm pretty upset about it. I'm thinking at this point that all three kids are going to need some form of counseling plus I've got daycare issues for D3 to deal with, etc. Plus I'm going to try to keep the family home which means refinancing to buy my W out- another headache to deal with. So yes, I've crunched some numbers and preliminarily things don't look real good. I guess you could say that I'm coping right now by taking things one at a time.

Regarding my W and alimony, I'm not 100% sure I'll get hurt real bad here. I actually took a cut in pay and turned my back on advancement opportunities so I could work from home and be here for my family. And because my W is a nurse, she makes good money. So the impact may not be as great as it sounds like in your sitch. Still, I expect to be living within thin financial margins once D'd so every little bit of $ is going to count.

I sympathize with your feelings about your W and her behavior. My W is starting to have to realize the awful truths about D and just really does not want to face them. Right now she is trying to delegate her impending financial problems to me (in terms of her moving out) i.e. "refinance the house now and give me my money" instead of aggressively looking for work. And alternating between walking around like a movie star and moping around saying things like "D really sucks", blah, blah. blah. Blaming me for everything. All the while OM is in the background coaching her and helping my W keep the momentum towards D- getting his jollies - maybe his idea of "happiness"- or both- at the expense of my family. Of course, what I'm really waiting for from my W is the realization that she has (or had) it damn good with me. But at the rate she is going, it looks like it will be some time- AFTER the D- when that light bulb goes off.

I have to tell you, considering the hell and damage my W is going to inflict on this family once this D is over and done with is really helping me to look at her in a very critical light. Her selfishness, complete lack of forgiveness, no personal accountability and overall abandonment of values and decency are getting extremely old. And that is on top of the abuse that she has heaped on me which I am completely done with. So I cope with this aspect of my sitch by realizing that there are a lot of good women out there who would be grateful to be with me. Hopefully you can process your sitch in much the same way.

Hang in there IWITW. I'm pretty confident that our W's behaviors are going to come back to bite them in their respective a$$e$ big time down the road. Conversely, you and I will have some short term pain to deal with for sure but in the long term, we will be the ones who come out on top.

Just remember, this too shall pass.