Good night tonight - S and I had dinner without H, so no yelling at the table. H started in with his usualy irritation and walking away when talking around a schedule thing -but got him to talk it out calmly. Success. Went to my new support group. Totally empowering. Came home feeling really calm and in touch with myself after days of being anxious and depressed. I didn't freak out that H was here. I just sat next to him on the couch and we looked at our computers and chatted. Pretty new. Felt good and normalish to be doing this again. A def baby step. H threw out some rude comments and they just rolled off my back - for real. I just saw him as shooting his mouth off, didn't take him seriously. New, 180. When H slipped in something about getting a bigger apt. I slipped and said "you could move back here" but didn't react when he said "no that won't happen". I just took his statements like blather and not like piercing barbs like I usually do. H was just not getting to me. FINALLY> AND I LET IT GO. Something I never do and irritates him to no end. 180.
He wanted "privacy" when talking to his brother on the phone - I would usually get paranoid he's talking about me but I don't even care. I am happy just doing my thing. First time in months.
Also, he got all uptight when I asked to see something on his computer he was talking to me about. Instead of this being an argument, like usual, I was aloof and light. Didn't matter to me what was on his computer, I was just following the conversation. He said it was "rude and invasive" I said "what are you hiding something?" and he said "nothing - I had already shut down." So I said, "exactly, so why are you freaking out" and he dsaid something about how I shouldn't say anything because of my past history of hiding things on my computer (long time issue - related to the fling I had once upon a time,etc). So I softened and lightly said, "oh, is that what it is? I'm sorry about that. I'm also sorry because I didn't mean to invade your space." He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh, thanks,"
Real 180 here. I'm proud. (Even with his stupid talk of getting bigger apts...grrrrr) He just didn't trigger me - I felt whole and strong inside myself. IT's been a long time since I felt this way. Really good. And different from even this morning. Dare I say I felt ... DETACHED?!?!?!?! I did it, people!
