So something like? I've told you that I do not agree to you having the kids on Tuesday night. They have activities they like to do that day, and the extra driving/switching to your house afterward doesn't make sense to me. I am not going to change my position on that, so feel free to contact your attorney if you would like. Just got an email from my L's legal assistant; the judge is rescheduling our final hearing for a week later, December 7th.
Strange how your Divorce dates happen on famous WWII dates. He files on D-day and then your hearing coincides with the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Time to get off the sinking ship.
I would keep it more to: "our agreement is xyz." Don't add the other stuff except to maybe say any changes will be made through our attorneys.
Don't leave him any openings for misunderstandings or for him to wiggle his way around things.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think it's clear he understands my viewpoint. After the 4 or 5 emails where I said no. I got home from the theatre tonight, and just emailed him, I'll pick up S15 at school. We'll meet you at (the halfway point) Friday night. I'm just too tired to play his games tonight.
One of my friends tonight was saying that she thinks I should go to D9's school half hour early to be there to prevent X taking her out of school early again. I guess I might; although if he insists on pulling her out (no parenting agreement is in place yet) I don't know what will happen!
I'm going to get my haircut tomorrow; a mix between a bob haircut and Heidi Klum's haircut--I liked those 2 and the stylist found a picture that's kind of a blend of the 2. I'm ready for something fun like that!!!
So I guess I needed to be more clear. H emailed me this am again when am I going to meet him at the dropoff point tonight. I was off getting my hair cut and so I didn't get it. He just called me to ask if I was going to pick up D9 at school. I said of course, she wants to go to Terrific Tuesday, and I will be there to pick her up for that (like I was last week!) and I had emailed him last night I would drop them off Friday night. I said I'm not going to (have time) be able to drop them off and he said he would pick them up anywhere (anything to reduce his child support).
I told him (for the 10th time!) I prefer email and I will email him. He said he does too (then why call me?) and I said thanks and hung up on him mid whatever he was saying. Never have done that before, but I felt like he was breaking my boundaries with that call. So this is my email I'm going to send: Feel free to critique or whatever...
I don't understand the confusion. I've emailed you several times that I don't think that's the best for the kids. We're trying to reduce the switching back and forth, and exchanging the kids tonight will be doing the opposite. I emailed you several times about this last week, and I think the week before that. I said if you have any problems please contact your lawyer. I will always be there Tuesday afternoon to pick her up for Terrific Tuesday and S15 asked to do the food bank today also.
You are very sweet and by your nature cannot help but try to be diplomatic and accommodating. We love you for that, we do.
However, you know your H is not really confused -- is he? No, he is trying to cultivate this confusion -- as a passive-agressive tactic -- so as to be able to finagle what he wants out of you.
I would just simply continue to calmly state the schedule to him, over and over and over to him each time he raises the issue. "I will pick up D9 on Tuesday, as always. You will not pick up either of the children until Friday Night." End of story. Keep drilling that into him, and leave no wriggle room. You don't need to continue to explain the rationale for why the schedule is the way it is, nor do you need to remind him about his L if he wants to dispute this. He's a big boy and he should be able to take a hint. All you need to do is remain your same calm, sweet self and hold the line.
Hang in there, lady. You're doing fine -- don't let him fluster you.
However, you know your H is not really confused -- is he? No, he is trying to cultivate this confusion -- as a passive-agressive tactic -- so as to be able to finagle what he wants out of you.
I do let him fluster me!!! You're right; I don't believe he's confused. Thanks for the hugs too! You're right about me doing too much defending; I've done that way too many times. OK, my new version is:
I will always be there Tuesday afternoon to pick D9 up for Terrific Tuesday and S15 asked to do the food bank also. I'll pick up S15 tomorrow also from his school. I'm going to drop them off Friday night and will pick them up again next Tuesday afternoon (*which I am fine with).
This was posted over on Generosity's thread over in seperated and I thought it might be good to "hear".
I just received my copy of the recommendation from the mediator regarding visitation & it was scathing. H not only didn't get the 50% he requested, he didn't even get the 28% he would have gotten from me. It was for 20%, no weekday overnights.
Anyway, the importance of keeping record of actual time spent is really important in visitation cases. They try to keep things status quo & look behind someone trying for a sudden large increase in time.
S She used to post as Sunny last year. Anyway I thought it was great advice as far as documenting. Stick to your schedule and don't deviate unless absolutely necessary.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Much better. You can still be our sweet, lovable Karen while standing your ground. That's not being mean at all (as some folks tend to think) -- in fact, it is really being kind to everyone by sticking to what's fair and proper for all concerned, especially for your kids.
If, once you've sent this to your H, he again opens the question, just send him your statement again. Rinse and repeat. Keep it friendly but concise and consistent until he gets that there is no room for deviation.
Oh and I was thinking too...all the times he has had the kids, what portion of that is actual time spent with the kids. he leaves them home alone during the day but I bet he wants that to count as time where as when they are home with you, they are with you.
Yes, the e-mail is better now.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks you guys. I will have to spend my spare time documenting this stuff, plus this past 2 weeks. And kat, I will also write down for the L that he is having them home alone much of the time he technically does have them.
I sent the email and then left to pick up the kids, did the afterschool program and volunteer stuff. We were leaving the church parking lot at 6 and the kids are like oh, there's dad's car which was parked right next to us. I stopped for a second and then realized, I just kept driving out of the parking lot. Unfortunately D9's car door was unlocked so he opened up her door. I had to stop; I'm not going to risk their safety. He then reached in and took the kids and their backpacks out of my car. I decided not to do anything b/c any scene in front of the kids; I mean they already have a crazy dad. The kids were all confused and asking him what was going on, he said it's [b]my[/b] night to have you and gave me a huge smile like "I win."
I was at the theatre tonight and just got home, but I figure I'll spend tomorrow morning writing all this stuff done. If he can get away with this kind of stuff, our legal system is totally crap....
I'm going to pick up the kids tomorrow from school. Hopefully things will go fine. I hope they're ok!
