Going on 12 mos since this whole thing really hit the fan
It was 15 months for me post bomb that H moved out. Slept in same bed too (no ml though).
I can't really speak to the sex thing with any authority b/c H and I have gone there only a couple of times in over 2 1/2 years. In my case I'm not aware of anyone else (no, I'm not naive, but I am astute).
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After the second confrontation a couple of weeks later, (the day after she kept talking about him in her sleep),
Has she ever talked in her sleep before? I could be way off base here but she may not have had the stones to do it any other way. Does she have a passive/aggressive bone?
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instead she was just trying to set me up to catch me snooping.
Dude. of course she was <ack,ack> . Nice to see that turnip truck didn't lose it's load
Doesn't matter if she thinks you're stupid (btw, she knows you aren't). You know you're not (at first I tended to second guess myself) and going through this you will know more and more about your own strengths, weaknesses and passions. and what an amazing man you really are.
Validating comes like everything, with practice. It's like with your kids, just reflect back what they said so they know you "get it".
Don't battle b/c of the kids (I know the inclination), validating what she says even if you don't agree (I really work at not addressing any provocative statements) just means you heard it. Nothing more. That is in your kids best interest b/c if you two can communicate better (even sometimes) the kids win.
Glad you came into the party, dark and twisted as it may be.
