So, the two styles of DB are conflicting with each other because I was a jerk at times and also my wife is in an EA. So I did what good people do for other people. I asked her if she needed anything and she said no.
I was always very caring when my W was sick. I'd had thought it was one my greatest strengths as a H. I got an enormous reality check a year ago. My W was quite sick in bed. I came home from work and got her some soup and a couple other things I know she likes when she's sick.
I found out later that she was in there sending sex messages to OM from her laptop. She was laying in our marital bed, sick, with me caring for her, and she's e-mailing him telling him she's still hot for him even though she's sick in bed. That one just might top the list of the most hurtful things she did to me during this whole thing. The WAW in the throws of an A has to be the most selfish creature on earth!
Don't underestimate how absolutely meaningless anything you're doing for her is, as far as she's concerned. I totally feel your pain regarding the conflicting styles of DBing in this situation. I still don't regret caring for her when she was sick, because at least I can look back and know I was acting with honor and compassion, and it was her choice to act with callous disregard for the H who she knew loved her.
