Quote: As for making plans, in retrospect I can say this much, IF I had backed off completely, my H would never have moved forward. I kept us 'alive' despite the fact that I also kept us 'apart'...My keeping the possibility of reconciliation available to him (even during my craziest periods) kept him tethered to me. I didn't give up so he couldn't bring himself too either and believe me...he wanted to because my giving up would have made it easier for him. HE wanted me to hate him so that he wouldn't have to face himself or me for what he'd done.
HE DOES know what you've lived thru...he won't tell you that, but he does know and he HATES himself for that.
Hey T2 I wonder if this is why my H hasn't moved the rest of his "S***" out as he's threatened to do so many times. He knows I haven't given up and all of his ugliness was his way of making me hate him, also. But I wouldn't do it, no matter what happened, we would still have had to be in contact as our son is only 3, so we'd be talking/seeing a lot of each other either way.for the next 15 years. Him wanting me to make the decision on what do to would be his easy way out also. If we did D, then it would have been because I wanted to and then no matter how son turned out it would have been my fault because I wanted the D, not H. He'd put that whole thing back on me just like he did on SS's mom, H's first wife. The reason SS turned out the way he did was because of his mom, it's her fault, and on and on. But you know what SS turned out to be a great kid! I mean a wonderful thoughtful, kind and nice kid, he always has been. I do blame that on his mom!
