Rachel,
Bomb #1 was June 21 of 2002..
Bomb #2 was Dec 21 2002...
My H didn't REALLY start to 'come around' in his heart and mind until July of 2003, and that was just the 'break thru' for him. Prior to that he was given reconciliation 'lip service' but there was NO REAL commitment or desire to do so on his part. I think right up until July he was maintaining an 'escape route' in his head. I've seen the biggest advancements since September of this year..they've been slow and tiny but picked up their own head of steam by the end of the month. He's still waivering and battling his demons so there are hours/days that he's the old H and then he flips over to the depresssed/fearful H...so we're NOT home free yet but we may really be heading that way. Only time will tell. I expect things to bounce around for several more months.

As for making plans, in retrospect I can say this much, IF I had backed off completely, my H would never have moved forward. I kept us 'alive' despite the fact that I also kept us 'apart'...My keeping the possibility of reconciliation available to him (even during my craziest periods) kept him tethered to me. I didn't give up so he couldn't bring himself too either and believe me...he wanted to because my giving up would have made it easier for him. HE wanted me to hate him so that he wouldn't have to face himself or me for what he'd done.

HE DOES know what you've lived thru...he won't tell you that, but he does know and he HATES himself for that.

My H was a stranger to me for almost three years (started going nuts in 2001) but I didn't catch on completely until the bomb in 2002 and that's because I was to self absorbed to notice before that.

By the way, by the time my life is normal again, I fully expect to have a house full of string beads and clay bunnies ....so don't be surprised if you do to

Oh and don't forget....with regard to your son, he knows he's breached that sacred trust between his son too. He knows that he's no longer the 'role model' of manhood in his son's eyes after what he's done. He knows he's shown himself to his son to have failed morally as a man. That's a tough pill to swallow. My H suffers from the loss of his sons respect he knows that's a price he'll pay the rest of his life for what he did.

It REALLY REALLY is all about time and YOUR patience.
T2