Just had my session with Laurie. This was the best thing I could have done. It puts an entirely different perspective on things when you get to actually talk to someone. I would so recommend it to everyone. Money well spent.
As I have just received a very lengthy email from H regarding us and his fears of me having a BF and his decision that it is really time for him to go it was great to be able to relay that to Laurie and get myself ready for my reply.
We have worked out that my situation is a very different one to most others in that in me getting some independence and GALing it is actually having the reverse effect on my H. He is a different case to others.
So my first challenge for today ladies is to convey my wish for him to remain at home. I then need to work on changing the dynamics of our interactions at home and back off my GALing a bit.
We have worked out that there is still a connection between us and it is this that keeps drawing him to me.
Wow! That is an unusual type of bomb. Glad the session helped prepare you.
I also wouldn't say I get much response from H about greeting him at the moment when I do it...but notice that it seems to improve his mood for later on in the night. Although don't ask me about tonight - did a ton of things right but one little conflict might have ruined all that prep work. Have you read or listened to the Ellen Kreidman books yet? Some of what she recommends is hard to do with a separation but a lot of what she goes over is still applicable. It's all DB compatible and I found it helped give me a better idea of what specific changes I needed to make in my treatment of H.
In some ways your H's mlc sounds a lot like mine. I hope your session advice will be helpful in dealing with him!
Yes I felt the session has helped me a great deal as my coach was able to read into his words what he is more likely to be feeling and thinking than what I thought. He is definitely in an MLC but my reactions have to be different.
I have to start tonight with trying the change the dynamics at home but I am first trying to put together my response to the latest email and to convince him to remain at home. He has not carried out his moving out threats before but that doesn't mean he won't seriously do it this time.
I paid over the phone with my credit card, it shows up like the purchase of the books as a training centre no mention of DB or anything like that, so no need to worry.
I gave a brief run down of the situation and then Laurie just began asking questions and we went from there, it isn't easy to verbalise any sitch but through the coach's questions they are able to get a very accurate picture of what is going on.
I must say Laurie's insight into my H I think is pretty spot on and she validated my fears that the 180's were having the opposite effect by his actions and his latest email that arrived as I was making the call to her.
I wholeheartedly encourage anyone to do these sessions if you can scrape the money together and at the end of the day if you really want to save your M the cost factor doesn't really come into it. We spend more on everyday living so it is a small outlay in comparison.
Oz... OK, I'm doing it. As long as it's not from db.com! I have so many work expenses, it will probably just blend in. Also, I would dare him to challenge me on a cost like this! At least ONE of us is making an effort! THANK YOU!
Plus, you're absolutely right. I probably spend more on getting my nails done, or martini lunches!!!
Last edited by mindfull; 09/22/0901:51 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Yep MF, we do spend more on manis and lunches and clothes and all the other stuff.
I have just sent my reply to H's email following the guidelines discussed with Laurie this morning. I decided on the email as I had a lot to say and I knew he wouldn't have time for a lengthy phone conversation.
Fingers crossed for me please and prayers that the response gets the reaction I am after. Now I have work on starting to change things at home starting tonight.
Also I mean't to say that your coach whoever you get will follow you in between sessions on your thread, they won't necessarily post but they will be there.
Thanks I need all the prayers I can get at the moment. Because now I am doing a 180 on the 180's how bizarre is that. But as Laurie said every situation is different and solutions need to be tailored and adjusted accordingly.
Because I took so long to reply, he decided that I have a BF who is directing my actions and leading me away from him. He gave me a chance to respond this morning and I took too long. He has already been home, gathered up all his stuff and will contact me at some stage. WTF just happened.
I have just replied back and believe me this is true, "I have had the auditors in going through all our accounts and licensing certificates this morning, so I have not had the opportunity to reply as quickly as I wanted to".
Not sure now what will transpire.
If Laurie is lurking, a little bit of help would be gratefully accepted and anyone else who has something to throw my way.
The other thing I noticed is he actually became a bit sarcastic in his addressing of me, his email this morning "Hi Bub", he email just now "Funny hey!"
