Coming out from lurking in the shadows.....

[SomethingNew]

Wow...I'm feeling the love, only other place I have received that kind of attention lately is from my kids...and the dog!

I do want to sincerely thank each and every one of you for the support and words of wisdom that you all have provided. I have made many mistakes in the first 11 months of this ordeal and I'm sure I will make many many more. Fortunately from what I hear I will have plenty of time to practice and get it all right.

Nice comment Jack....I wish I could say that (blow me) and get away with it. We are off and on sleeping in the same bed and I don't think I would be waking up with all of my parts if I used your recommendation. Going on 12 mos since this whole thing really hit the fan and there have been two times (in the same week) where we ML(talk about a drought.) OK, more like it was just sex, not very good either, kinda like what I would imagine it would be like if I paid for it. Funny thing is after I caught her red handed lying about the EA she offered twice over the next couple of weeks, but I turned it down citing that I would only do it again when it would be because we both wanted it...not for pity or sympathy. Wow...almost embarassing to call myself a male after that. Still I don't want it used as a tool. Than again I wonder if I was playing a game and using it as a tool?

I also have another question....should I or should I not confront her on EA that she claims to "be over." Yet, she keeps hanging herself and it clearly shows that she continues to pursue to keep some type of friendship going. She is sneaking around in her efforts to do this and apparently thinks I am a total fool. After the first time I confronted her with hard evidence (after many previous denials) she asked me what I wanted and I said well it would be nice if you stopped contacting him. After the second confrontation a couple of weeks later, (the day after she kept talking about him in her sleep), I suggested maybe removing him as a Facebook friend mighta been a first step. I also asked if she was still talking on the phone or texting him, she claimed no. I asked to see her phone records...and imagine that there was his number all over. blah, blah, blah later it was my fault and really I don't care and don't feel threatened. We have had issues getting viruses on two of our other computers in our home and while trying to clear them I was going through the history to see exactly what websites my darling, innocent 14 & 16 year old boys were going too. (Hey, I had hormones too before all of this started thankyouverymuch - see above.)

Guess what...I know many will be quite surprised but she was still searching for him and contacting him even though she finally did remove him from her friends list. She claims that she wasn't really contacting him the 10 or so times she had searched for him over the past couple of weeks, instead she was just trying to set me up to catch me snooping. Thank god, that is all it was, I feel so much better. My response was just go and figure out who and what you want. I guess my main question is...Do I just stop questioning, I mean really do know I just have a hard time with the feeling that she thinks I am that stupid.

I really do struggle with the validation part of this all and as well, not discussing "the relationship." I also struggle with the emotional aspects of it all, the impact it has on my kids, the fact my daughter requested and was put on anti-depressents. I think thats why I keep battling instead of validating because of the kids.

My take on all of this is that this is really not my wife...in fact I don't like this person very much at the moment. She is a fake trying to be someone she wasn't allowed to be while growing up. Still, I do love her though and recognize what she is going through as an illness. If this illness were cancer....would I abandon her? I know I wouldn't, so I'm in this for the long haul, knowing I need all of the help and support I can get and that is why I finally decided to come out of the shadows.

Thanks again for all of your wisdom, hugs, love and support and what seems a little whacked to know I am not unique in this that there are many of us going through all of this.

SN