And I have my good friend I try and talk to on the phone once a week "The Wifey" aka KJ.
I'm looking forward to FaithfulH and Tomato coming down to Dallas soon to hang out. I talked to Tomato last night for a bit as he was hoping for a bad game for my beloved Cowboys. He got his wish as they lost at the end of the game. Tomato is an Eagles fan. UGGGG!!!
But I like Tomato none the less.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It is tough to witness your daughters relationship with their mother deteriorating. But that is between them and her.
It is tough to watch. And I want to help that out. But if I say anything to W about it, it will be taken the wrong way. So I just have the girls in counseling. W can't see right now how this is affecting the kids.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It is tough to witness your daughters relationship with their mother deteriorating. But that is between them and her.
It is tough to watch. And I want to help that out. But if I say anything to W about it, it will be taken the wrong way. So I just have the girls in counseling. W can't see right now how this is affecting the kids.
Kevin
Well, I'd say you owe it to your kids though to tell them their mom loves them though, and not look at their feelings as some sort of vindication of yours. I don't think you do your daughters any favors by saying things like she can't see how she's affecting the kids. You don't know what she thinks or how she feels about that. I think it's great that you are a listening ear to D11...but at the same time you have to watch out she isn't manipulating you, as D11's will. My son's counselor has made a very big point about this, which shocked me, really. He called S12 out on it in counseling, about him wanting me to feel sorry for him, and trying to get me to feel sorry for him, and using that as a tool of manipulation that he will LEARN TO USE for the REST OF HIS LIFE if not corrected.
He really gave me son some trouble over the whole self-pity thing. I guess the shocking part is that my son sat there and freaking admitted it. The C told him, well, he had that choice, to live in self-pity, but he didn't see it as a great life plan.
Let me ask you a hard question, Kev. How much of you takes a certain..pleasure, well not really pleasure, but a feeling of satisfaction when you hear D11 make these complaints? Do you feel vindicated...that you're right, and W is wrong. I'd get pretty introspective right now about the best thing for D.
My H does a lot of damage to his R with my S12, and I work daily to repair it, because that's his dad. I do it for S12. it would be sooo easy to turn him completely to my side. I have that power. We could make H the bad guy no problem. But he has to carry that relationship for life and beyond and I want it to be the best it can be.
You're darn right your W wouldnt' listen to you say something about what D11 said. Because it would be seen as self-serving. The best thing you can do for D11 is be a good example and live a good life and not feel sorry for yourself. Don't let her feel sorry for herself either. She can be unhappy about the sitch, but don't encourage self-pity or blame of the other parent. Would you like it if your W talked to your D's and blamed you for everything? Or would you like her to say something about how adults have problems they have to work out, and that both their parents love them?
Kevin, What I find frustrating is that you can't see what you are doing to the kids. You still care too much about what wife thinks. How wife is so wrong. Etc. You do not move forward.
Kerry- meetup.com was suggested many months ago and Kevin went to a few and seemed to drop it.
Kevin- I must admit I am also baffled when you tell other posters to not give up on their when the WAS is unbelievably bad. Why in the world would Mdoodles stick by her cheating hubby, who steals her jewelry, forecloses the house, barely visits the son and keeps up with an OW that has a restraining order against her for severe harassment of MDoodles.
I don't understand your mind frame. I don't understand your logic. And I am not trying to be mean but as a female- your behavior, your "wheel-spinning", and insistence on your view of religion as being the correct version would drive me far, far away.
KEVIN PLEASE CHANGE AS A PERSON! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. I AM REALLY ROOTING FOR YOU.
I am not rooting for you to get your marriage back but that you change as a person.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Vindicated? No. I don't need to see my daughter upset about this to feel vindicated. I already know I am right about this.
It saddens me to see my daughters having to go through this when they shouldn't have to.
But I always tell them that their mom loves them and that they need to love her.
As far as mdoodles goes, I am not saying she should have to put up with what she has been. I'm simply saying she has a covenant M and she should continue to stand for her M and pray for her H to change and come to his senses.
This isn't about male or female. This is about we made a vow for life and we have a covenant with God and our S regardless of how they are acting or sinning.
It is about standing in the gap for your prodigal S and your covenant M and your family.
I realize this isn't popular when you feel wronged and hurt. But it is what it is. We said I Do for life, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse til death do we part. There was nothing in the vows about until I don't like you anymore or someone better comes along.
The way of the world is not the way marriage was set up by God.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
It is a hard reality to accept that you may have to stand without your covenant S for a period of time. But if you are going to stay in line with your covenant which does not go away, then that is what we are expected to do.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kevin, I'm not judging you. Your probably one of the people I relate to most on this forum. As scary as that is for me to admit :-)
Not sure anyone is arguing with your intentions. It's the methods you are using that has most of us concerned. You heart is in the right place but it can't be trusted.
The prodigal son is a great story (one of my favorites) but it doesn't apply to your W as you R was not parental. It's convenient to us this story as a reference as it removes us from the equation. It puts us above our S. Again I tell you this because I've been were you are.
Jump over to Dia's thread about page 4 and read the post about the room with the o2 being sucked out of it and you will have some perspective of what you wife has lived with for years. You are associated with that room and until you change your association your wife will try and escape using any means necessary. Telling her to get back in the room will have no effect. Telling her her D wants her back in the room will have no effect.
Your making some steps in the right direction but there are some major hurdles you will not get over without help.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
The prodigal son is a great story (one of my favorites) but it doesn't apply to your W as you R was not parental. It's convenient to us this story as a reference as it removes us from the equation. It puts us above our S. Again I tell you this because I've been were you are.
C-Bart,
I understand what you are saying. That is just the title standers typically give their walk away spouse on the rejoice ministries website.
She is a walk away wife many different reasons. I will check out Dia's thread.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
See Kevin, Why does your religious belief of marriage trump other people's views? Including your wife's?
Please, please, I am not knocking on your religious beliefs. Good for you. What worries me is that you feel that your religious views are what others should believe. That concerns me.
Unless, I am getting your perspective all wrong here.
Anyhow, I do wish you the best for you and the children and hope that you can move on and get totally detached from the W.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
