Okay, here are my positives (Deb and Kitti holding a 2X4 to my head):
I worked from 5am and didn't get home until 10:30 last night, so there was no time to search for any negatives anyway...but, I came home to all clean and shiny bathrooms, and our room had been dusted and vacuumed. So he was busy guy.
Tonight I came home to a completely vacuumed house, and H cooked dinner. He was his 'old self' again tonight. That's three days in a row....maybe we're going for a record Oh oh...and he asked if we could go for a drive Saturday to look for a 'lighthouse' street light for the driveway down by the Chesapeake...HE MADE PLANS whoopie! T2
Well, I'm glad to know I'm in good company! T2, how long did your H go back and forth,before he started really acting like he was ready to commit to you? I'm dizzy from going round and round, and I want to beat him with that 2X4 your talking about. Tell me how you acted while he was deciding what he wanted. I'm not sure if I should keep making plans for us to be together, or back off. If I back off, we seem to drift apart. If I keep seeing him and keep "acting as if," we are a couple he seems to somewhat go along with the flow, although he is NOT at all consistent in his actions. So......I'm sure I speak for 99% ofthe people on this BB, when I say I DON'T HAVE A FREAKIN' CLUE what is going on in his head! T2, your right! He doesn't know either. Gee, this is just ducky. 2 yrs of back and forth, and still, NO idea when I'll have my H back and live a relatively normal life. Normal???? Did I say normal life? What's that? Oh yeah, I remember...I had it for 20 some yrs and then my husband WACKED OUT on me, ripped my heart out, and continues the torture which I have to conclude he must enjoy inflicting on me.
Ok..I can live with he doesn't want to give our S false hope. How very noble of him. What about BEING here for his son's last year at home? What about showing his son that he was dead wrong in what he did, and do the RIGHT thing by being a trustworthy husband and Father again? Oh no, he has to live in that little hole in the wall apt.of his instead of this wonderful home we designed and built together. I'm tired of trying to pull him back into my life. I mean, I've tried everything, been everything, done everything,and all I get is the same crap over and over. He won't let go and he won't commit. He makes me absolutely CRAZY! I want to chuck it all and move to Italy where no ones knows what an idiot I am, and maybe I can put enough distance between us that I don't keep going down cheeseless tunnels with this man. Gawd.....I'm SO tired of hanging in there and waiting for him to want me again. He wants me SOMETIMES. I want to strangle him when he says that word! I want to make him love me like he used to and then STOMP on his heart and make him hurt a fraction of how he hurt me. He doesn't have one clue what I've lived through the last 2 yrs. Not so good am I doing with all this right now. I'm feeling needy,and I don't like it one bit. I'm so angry at him right now for putting me though this over and over, that the only thing worse is the anger I feel at myself for letting him! What are we doing here? Will someone please make some sense of this for me before they put me in a rubber room to string beads and make clay bunnies? Rachael
Quote: He was his 'old self' again tonight. That's three days in a row....maybe we're going for a record
This is AWESOME!!!!!!!!! And, he made plans for the weekend...I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I worked from 5am and didn't get home until 10:30 last night, so there was no time to search for any negatives anyway...but, I came home to all clean and shiny bathrooms, and our room had been dusted and vacuumed. So he was busy guy.
Tonight I came home to a completely vacuumed house, and H cooked dinner. He was his 'old self' again tonight. That's three days in a row....maybe we're going for a record Oh oh...and he asked if we could go for a drive Saturday to look for a 'lighthouse' street light for the driveway down by the Chesapeake...HE MADE PLANS whoopie! T2
Wowza! there are so many positives in there I'm not sure I can count them all!
Sage (aka, one of the "loving idiots" and PROUD!)
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
RMC, Some good venting! But from one DRer to another; we know you don't want to throw in the towel.
Yeh, I know how you feel! I feel like a puppet too! 2 yrs! Gal, your H is an idiot, what a great woman you are to hang in there that long. You have what it takes, and I admire you!
It's normal to have those doubting days, vent here and you'll feel better!
