My sitch...long but please indulge me

[pearlharbr]

A little easier to do in your sitch because you didn't have any unfinished "business".

Not sure what you mean by this. We did have financial matters to settle up, we own the house together. No we didn't have to go through the divorce paperwork but our lives are entwined legally. That has nothing to do with dropping the rope and letting someone go. Once you let go and become the WAS instead of the LBS the dynamic switches.

Lumpia is a Filipino spring roll but the filling is meat. It's awesome. I've known this friend since sixth grade and have been eating them since then and got BF hooked on them too.

What's up with the other GAL activities? Started any new hobbies? Met any new friends lately?

[billclay18]

Didn't know you owned a house together...that does make things messy. Speaking of that, I just got a response from my W:

"You know I talked to any attorney about the house issue and he said I should still get a portion of the sale proceeds. If you are waiting till next year and the house goes back up in value then I should be entitled to what I contributed for four years. Why do you feel I am entitled to nothing if you make $30,000 or whatever when it is sold? Doesn’t seem fair."

First of all, I never said she wasn't entitled to any equity in the house since we got married...just that there was none. The house has gone down in value about $30k since we got married. Revisionist history I guess. Secondly, does she want me to hang onto the house for 6 months paying the mortgage by myself and split any of that equity with her? Even if it goes up $30k we're right back where we started. What's the point? What she contributed for 4 yrs was $30 in negative equity.

Isn't this fun????

Haven't made any new friends but this Friday I'm going to trivia night with sister and BIL at a bar. Saturday I'm going to a classic auto museum with a friend from work and going to see The Hangover with my sisters and BIL's at night. Sunday I'm meeting the guys to watch football.

P.S...no, I did not respond to her!

[pearlharbr]

Good, don't respond yet. Let it sit for at least a day. Then I would simply say you'll let the lawyers handle it. Yes, she will revise history to fit what she wants. That's why it's best to keep it to business and let the lawyers work it out. Don't give her any reason to pin things on you personally.

I love trivia night! We used to go occasionally and would love to find a night to go to regularly. My brain is full of minutiae. You'll love The Hangover, it is hilarious. Hard to believe I had to talk BF into seeing it but he did love it too.

What happened with the dog club? Or something else that is new for you?

[billclay18]

Good, don't respond yet. Let it sit for at least a day. Then I would simply say you'll let the lawyers handle it.

I really don't want to get lawyers into it anymore than necessary...I simply don't have the $$$...neither does she. So I shouldn't reiterate the negative equity hoping she'll drop it,maybe just simply saying "the house has lost about $30k since we got married so there is no equity, but we can let the lawyers handle that if you prefer".

I saw The Hangover...possibly the funniest movie I've ever seen.

As far as the dog club, that's not until next month.

[pearlharbr]

She won't drop it if the info is coming from you. She is convinced that you're trying to screw her financially. You can try to reason with her but she won't hear it. Another option is to have your house appraised. That will also cost $ but if it's coming from an official third party she is more likely to believe it. I understand that it's expensive but you have to weigh the monetary cost against the emotional cost.

Have you spruced up your appearance? Most guys don't spend money on themselves but every girl's crazy for a sharp dressed man.

[billclay18]

I'm a licensed real estate appraiser (a side job that never worked out in the current market) so I know what I'm talking about. I had the house appraised right around the time we got married for a home equity loan and I've been watching the market closely regarding the best time to sell, so my numbers are pretty close. But you are right, she won't believe me.

She screwed herself financially. At the time this all happened, she was temping for $13/hr. She has since been hired permanently with a substantial bump in pay, but it's still got to be tough for her and step D.

No...I haven't spruced myself up. Something to think about.

[billclay18]

Incidentally, I became an appraiser to make some extra money to help HER daughter pay for college. That's the kind of guy I am. No wonder she left me.

[pearlharbr]

Ok, can you swap appraisals with someone so you can have it done on your house without paying? Not by a friend since W will think friend is just saying what you want.

Looking good will make you feel good. I went on a major shopping spree and changed my look. New clothes coupled with weight loss definitely put a spring in my step. Have a stylish female friend go with you for an opinion. Or go to a personal shopper at a department store. Many offer their services for free because they're counting on you to buy the clothes at their store. But you don't have to, just get suggestions then you can look for less expensive versions.

[billclay18]

I've gotten out of the business...it was dying. Like you said, I'll let the lawyers handle it.

Wonder if my response to her email, you know kinda "I'm ready when you are" was not what she expected and pissed her off. I suspect she didn't call a lawyer until after I responded. I know, I know...no mind reading.

Would love to go on a shopping spree, but as I said $$$ is tight. Paying the mortgage on my own is really tough.

[billclay18]

oops...double post