Newcomer hurting badly

[tryingtilDorR]

I was where you are earlier this year. I also have 4 kids. W and I are 'separated' in our own house, but I am feeling much better these days than the despair and desperation I had earlier, and know that if she is ever going to become interested in M again I needed to evolve like I have.

Coach and Thinker are right on with the advice. Stop Pursuing. Forget about her and focus on yourself. She needs to choose to want you again out of her own free will and coersion will just push her away.

What if she disappeared and you were in a position to go forward alone and find someone else? How would you carry yourself, what would you do? I am not saying that you go and find someone else, but how would you attract a woman? That is what you need to start thinking about and doing now. Show her she would be crazy to walk away from you.

Your whole focus right now is getting her to turn around and return to you I realize, and she might if you can focus on yourself and leave her alone, but if she doesn't then you will value yourself more and be in a better position if she hits the road.

This will be the hardest thing you have faced down most likely, but it gets easier.

I am still struggling but I feel much better now than I did earlier this year due to the recommendations you see in DB/DR and from people on this site. My W also had an EA going on to varying degrees so I have been dealing with that as well.

Another good book is "Love Must Be Tough" - it helps you gain perspective on how to attract your spouse again. I know it seems 'unfair' that we have to win their affection all over again, but it is the cards we have been dealt.

Keep posting.