WHEN, can you step back and relax and breathe ?I am
WHEN, can you put down the phone, and stop e-mailing ?Do I not respond to any of her emails at all?
WHEN, can you focus on YOU, and look into the mirror ?I am
WHEN, can you realize that all of this BS, somehow contributed to the downfall of this relationship.Stress on both our parts and lack of communication got us to this point.
WHEN, can you drop the rope and let this play out QUIETLY ?Venting to you guys now.
WHEN, you do this, without pressure, you affect the dynamics of the drama that is created throughout this. Quit asking her anything at all,don't remind her of anything at all?
You remove all of the buttons that send YOU spinning in circles, henceforth, taking all reactive communication away from her.Only button is the kids.
Her negativity doesn't hinge on your reations, because they are gone.
Takes the focus off of you , and it gives her no ammunition to throw back at you.
Therefore.....Are YOU really reacting to her ?So I withdrawl even more?
Or is she reacting to you ?hen I have created doubt in her mind as to my intentions?
she is taking advantage of the fact, she knows i care about her and whether or not we're going to make it. And she really isn't giving much back in return is she.
She doesn't ask anything about how i feel or what i do. other than if i was going to buy another house.
She did email back earlier and i didn't reply back.
Yes she can take and pick up S from practice.
Dog is back to putting pressure on leg.
This wk, homework from DB coach was self esteem book and read how can i forgive you, then write a letter to kids and not give it to them until i read it to the DB coach.
Her e-mails....You respond to what pertains to you or the children....I.E. What YOU can control right now.
Communication ? Don't mean to rub you wrong here, but if this thread is a glimpse of that, you are correct.
As long as your intentions are pure, the kids should not be a button. Keep their best interest at heart and realize they are NOT pawns in this....And NOT a source of information to be passed.
You should be polite with her, and not let her push any buttons. All Relationship talks are intiated by her, not by you. Electronic communication is so impersonnal. Try to have ANY convos in person if you can.
Most MLC'ers, after the first or second line, they shut down anyway, hence information being lost in there.
Shut the phone off and let this rest.
Forgiveness is a good start, just remember that you have to identify and find yourself too.
It's easy to say that you forgive her for this when you only half understand what that means. I hope you 'Absorb" that.
IF this is MLC, its not gonna end overnight, or for that matter, a whole bunch of overnights.
Pull up a chair, get comfy, and UNDERSTAND the path that she has to walk.
AYK, I know you don't see it now,but this really is a gift from her to you.....
I do a lot better with do this, do this, than grey area.
Should I just take over as much responsibility as I can on things and if she remembers great,not say anything, I haven't been at all.
Like snacks for this weeks game,bills do I just have kids run in and grab them off the counter?
At one time she had said, back before the bomb, she had to accept a man that would not change.
So help me change. Spell it out for me please.
You guys have the experience I don't.
I know the wife I had, never asked for any help on anything, she did it all and she internalized it all. Some of the things she's internalized are crazy,but she did.
That is why we got to where we're at.
I didn't get up with the D when she was a baby. I didn't handle the checking account. I tried to fix everything and didn't listen very well. I did not just let her vent,I always had a solution and a compliment. I told people how I felt, I mean I had a more intense conversation, than hey what a great day.
I told them I loved them too many times, I said too many nice things to my family,I spoiled them rotten.
And more importantly I never told them what they would do that would make me unhappy.
ur brilliant, that's why two sunday's ago i sent her some texts and she didn't know what the heck i was saying and it read like a book, she didn't get it at all, and it read perfectly.
She probably didn't read the email on Friday that I sent that was about the kids and stuff.
