How are you? I can only tell you what worked for me. I broke off all contact with H in Dec 08. This meant no phone calls, no texts or meet ups. Any e-mails were strictly business reg divorce. I noticed that when I did this he began to make more contact. Turning up to my lesiure centre on the one day and at the same time he knows I go to play there. Being awkward with the divorce papers and not signing things etc until the very last minute and then offering to bring them to my flat as obviously the post would take too long and he didn't want me to travel all that way to pick them up etc etc. Maybe he is just being considerate and still cares for me?? Maybe...
What did I do? I changed lesiure centres, I blocked his e-mails - there is nothing I want or need to hear any more. He is NOT worth it!! There are plenty of men out there but even if I spend the rest of my life alone I will not take him back because I do not respect him anymore. Anyone who can make me feel so bad about myself is not worth wasting my time on. We all have faults and the only thing to do is to try to improve yourself. I also think about future relationships but with optimism because I have learnt so much from this experience. If something similar happened again I would be out that door in a heartbeat and not look back. I don't regret what I did this time because I learnt so much from it. I'm now actually living my life, spending my money on things I enjoy and not on H or anyone else and not stressing about everything, this is something I would not have done before even though others had in the past tried to tell me. It took such a shock to truly wake me up!!
Nobody knows what will happen in the future, Julia. I may well meet my H in the future. Maybe we will be friends some day, maybe more.... no one knows but I do know that at this present time he is with someone else and no matter what the reason and whether he will regret it, I am not wasting any more of my precious time thinking about him.............It helped to let go of the man I loved by realising that he was no longer that man.
I would leave the divorce for now as you still don't seem sure but I would say break off all contact. Sort out all the links like the cat insurance, you are using them as excuses. You need to do something to get yourself back to normal for you and not for anyone else. You will wake up one day where you don't think of him and your heart doesn't skip a beat when you see his mail in your inbox. But for now you need to give your heart time to heal, not just the mind. You don't know what will happen in the future and so you need to stop worrying about it. What will be will be. Live for now, for you.
