Hmmm...is it really fair to call her R with OM an "affair"??? I mean, her husband left, told her it was done, hooked up with OW. She finally moved on, hooked up with OM, said she wanted D (to make it not an "affair") and RSF asked her to hold off on the D which she obliged but then got sick of being treated as if she was cheating and being a bad mother so she asked again for D...
Anyhoo...JohnF, did you read his sitch? HE left the marriage.
Not that it makes so much difference except that the only thing worse than H leaving me, would be him coming back AFTER I've moved on and really connected with another man. Talk about torture. So, I'd be the one holding the key to my family's future? Nice. So, it is on her? Wow.
I agree in essence, RSF, that you need to be in the present and set your plan accordingly. But, I don't see what you have learned from this if you insist that you are the kind of guy who makes a decision and sticks to it no matter what (hellloooo, you told her you were "done" and now look at you)...I see you as wanting what you want when you want it (not atypical) and I would bet that you will ebb and flow with this too. There are people here on the boards in the midst of their divorces who are reconnecting, going into counseling etc.
If it helps you to move on or feel better to proclaim that you are magically capable of turning off this flood of feelings and realizations you've had about your W then do it. I think it is more ego than anything which is ok too. No matter what, I think you need to detach and move on. Still, I hope that if a door opens for your M, you will see it and take the opportunity rather than dig your heals in about how you are not that kind of person.
Or, do you already have your sights set on that other "someone" that you mentioned before?
