It seems like there are two big parts of DBing. Assuming the M was quite bad and the WAS is justified in their unhappiness, the LBS must show consistent behavior that leads the WAS to believe things could be different. If there is an A involved, the LBS needs to establish clear boundaries, and cut most contact with the WAS, forcing them to feel the consequences of their decisions.
In my case, my W wanted to feel more pursued and cherished for who she is. I don't blame her for that. Of course she found that with OM. I am constantly bouncing back and forth against the two DBing strategies. They seem so at odds with each other. When my W reaches out to me, and I ignore or rebuff her, I feel like I'm just validating her unhappiness with me in our M. If I connect with her and/or pursue her a little, I feel I'm sabotaging my DBing efforts by allowing her to cake eat. It's infuriating!!! My wife, the woman I love, calls me and says she wishes she could be there with us watching the game, and I give her no reply. Truth be known, I could tell by her voice she wasn't expecting a reply, but I still feel like I'm in a lose lose situation.
How do I walk that line? Should I even try to, or should I pick one strategy and just go with it?
