Up until this april. I was an emotionally and physically abusive husband (will be for rest of life just not acting on my fears and anxieties). In April my wife said she was done. ILUBIMNILWY. She has been in an ea for at least a year. He even asked her out in june but she turned him down. I was still snooping through her email and face book but I've stopped since then. I was very controlling and criticized alot. We still sleep in the same bed but no ML, hugs or kissing. She wants me to get her a new car but I declined. I have been working on painting a room in the house about every month or so. She keeps on taking me shopping to go look at paints and furniture for different rooms. Neither of us can afford the house so I don't understand this to well. She doesn't want to go to counseling or retro. I'm Attending IC.
I'm doing really well. I've lost about 25lbs and I have been Galing. Unfortunatly my wife has added weight. She has really been focused there alot.
I'm reading love without hurt and the divorce remedy. I know she doesn't trust me and she may never trust me again. She recognizes I've changed but thinks I will change back if she decides to work on the M. I don't try to initiate kisses, hugs, convo, ML. I will say my kids have voiced how much I've improved.
I found out my wife is organizing a co-ed soccer team that I told her I would play on. She hasn't said anything but I know the guy who is married and asked her out is on the team. I really don't know what to do next. Some days are harder than ohers.
My DB coach thinks I'm doing great with validating not arguing and working on boundries. I've been more compassionate, but still need to work on learning her POV. My wife is not always a nice person and doesn't miss an opportunity to correct me or nag. I agree with her now and finish the task. I pray for peace trust and hope.
I just needed to let this out and finally share with everyone.
Its very hard to know I've caused so much hurt and pain to someone I should have loved. Thanks for listening.
JJ
H:37 W:34 D11,S8,S6 Together 19 years M:10 Bomb:4/09
