Quote: ...I agonize solely over wondering WHAT issues did my H feel justified his As...I'm still waiting for him to open up those feelings and share them with me. I feel like without that information I'm left to continue to go stumbling around in the dark trying to "fix" what I think was broken when in fact I may be way off the mark. If I'm living as though I assume he lost love for me because I didn't do his laundry every day, BUT he really lost love for me because I didn't make pot roast anymore (just a stupid hypethetical)(sp?) then HOW am I suppose to know what HE NEEDS if HE won't tell me?
Hey, wait a minute! I know there is a reason to acknowledge our own parts in problems in our marraiges. It definately helps to have that perspective when in piecing--so things are on a more level playing field, right.
But what the heck are you doing taking the responsibility and blame for? We want to make it about us, because it's hard to imagine our H's doing such acts when they also say they love us. It also feels more comfortable to believe that there is some control we can have by "fixing the broken parts".
What would it be like if you were to fully comprehend that, while you had problems like every one else, your H's infidelity probably had very little to do with you and everything to do with his state of mind. What if you realized that he compartmentalized the infidelity to the point where he could have been working on things with you in MC--quite sincerely, and still see the OW?
Both of those things are strong liklihoods, given some of the things you've read in other people's stories, right?
If you accepted that the infidelity had very little to do with you, but you still wanted to repair and improve your M, how would that change your perception?
