You sound well. I hear you in every aspect of the insanity that is the 'transference'. I do not know either, what, if anything but time and a nagging self conscience until our X's just give it up once and for all and claim stake for their actions.
To expect responsibility from the irresponsible, is a futile waste of time and one's own sanity.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
