K4D Rising #4

[C-Bart]

OK. What if the other person happens to be the mother of your three small children.

[K4D]

You don't break off contact. You be the absolute best you can be. Always be positive. Have your boundaries set. Make them reasonable boundaries. Simply ones of demanding to be shown respect. Nothing more.

I pray for my W and family each day. So for me, putting her out of my mind from here on out is not an option. But being able to live my life without having her around is a necessity. Being able to find ways to enjoy myself alone or with friends without my W being around is a must.

I spent most of yesterday alone. Today I didn't want to. So I hung out with a friend today after mass. I don't enjoy spending an entire week by myself. It will drive me crazy. An entire saturday is about as much as I can take.

Right now I am going through the bible. I started at the beginning with Genesis. I have the whole thing on CD. So that is what some of my time is used on when I am alone. I also feel like I am spending time with God when I am sitting there listening to it. I am going to try and complete the whole bible in the next 2 months. I put peice by peice on my mp3 player so I can listen to it in the car and at work. But it is no substitute over the long run for socialization and friendship at least for me.

Kevin

[antlers]

Being able to live my life without having her around is a necessity. Being able to find ways to enjoy myself alone or with friends without my W being around is a must.

Hi Kevin.
What you say here is right as the mail! Try your darndest to do it...ask God to help you do it because, as you said above...it is a necessity and a must. These are things that we all (LBS) have to do.

[june72]

Kevin,
I have an expression for you

"Trust in God but tie your horse"

(I think the original was trust in Allah but tie your camel)

Does that make sense to you?

[antlers]

Kev saw this prayer and thought you might like it.


Dear Lord I pray again to you today.
To heal my marriage in your way.
To give me strength to stay the course.
Lord I don't want my marriage to end in divorce.
I want my child to have both of us.
To know you as the person to trust.
Help us both to see.
That this is something you meant to be.
What you have joined together let no one put asunder.
Break the bondage that Satan has put us under.
I believe in you word and trust what it says.
Lord I cry out to you, I lift up my hands.
Lord start the change in me.
Let my wife see You and your love through me.
Help us to forgive and move past all the pain.
Help us to love each other again.
She is flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone.
Dear Lord help my wife come back.
I know through you is the only way.
Lord I pray this again today.

I like it. Thanks. I like this too...from Bridgestone...

As someone once told me: it will be ok in the end, if it's not ok... know it's not the end.

If you're a religious person... Remember…

The will of God will never take you;
Where the Grace of God cannot keep you,;
Where the arms of God cannot support you;
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you;
Where the spirit of God cannot work through you,;
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you;
Where the army of God cannot protect you;
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

;The will of God will never take you;
Where the love of God cannot enfold you;
Where the mercy of God cannot sustain you;
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears;
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you;
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears;
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,&;
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you;
-Author Unknown

[25yearsmlc]

K4
So you won't get any professional help for your underlying problems, right? I mean is the scriptural reference supposed to allay our concerns? It didn't allay mine. It left me speechless.

It's exactly the same shield you've used before, to deflect away from your low self esteem and long standing depression.

I just want to be clear so I know what you are saying. You are choosing to read the bible and pray, in lieu of getting other help as well and I guess it's because you think if you have enough faith, you won't need other help.??

So if you break a leg falling, will you pray for it to be restored and do nothing else, or will you go to a hospital and get a cast? I'm not mocking you. I'm asking if that is what you believe. B/C I see resources placed in front of you as gifts from God, which you are refusing to access, either out of pride or fear. But that's just my take.
j-

[smith18]

Being able to find ways to enjoy myself alone or with friends without my W being around is a must.

One thousand four hundred and thirty five groups in your area...

http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/tx/dallas/groups/

Try to find one that is not a prayer or support group since those wont get your mind away from thinking about your marriage.

[Dia]

FWIW, you can also find a variety of therapist called a Pastoral Counselor. These are people who did all of their counseling training in a seminary along with courses in theology. Some of them are ordained clergy while others are laymen.

[K4D]

25,

I didn't say that. But I have enough on my plate right now. I'm not quite as depressed as I used to be. Why does it seem like I am? I don't like being alone for long periods of time. That can make anyone depressed. But I am a people person. Actually I am a family person. I have never had a big group of friends. I'm not the life of the party.

Professional Help. I agree there are many resouces posted here. And all have good merit. And none of have been ignored.

I know... you think I am emotionally disturbed and clinically depressed. Oh, and I watched the Cowboys lose last night on TV. Dang it.

Anyways, I'm ok for now. I'm not jumping out any windows. I have some plans for me and my girls this week that should be fun. I am also rearranging the apartment this week to give D11 my room and me and D7 will take the bigger back room with the twin beds so that D11 can have the privacy she has been asking for. That made her happy.

D11 got into a bit of a tizzy last night about D7 and her sharing the same room. Then D11 went on to tell me that we shouldn't have to live in an apartment and she should be able to have her own room and we should be able to be a family and not live like this.

I said have you expressed your feelings to your mom? She said no. I said why not. She said because she doesn't listen and doesn't have the time of day. I said why are you telling me. She said because I listen to her. So I said why doesn't your mom listen. She said because W is either working, or cleaning, or making dinner, or talking on the phone to her friends or playing on the computer. So I said well, what is it that you and D7 are doing. She said just watching TV. She said W does ask them how their day was. But I guess D11 feels like W won't listen to her with regard to her not liking this separation. D11 says that her mom's friends are more important to her. D11 can't stand her mom's best friend. She says her mom talks about her best friend this and her best friend that and it drives D11 nutty.

W's best friend has been a big supporter of whatever makes W happy.

Last week D11 told me I need to get a better paying job so we could do more.

My girls have their appointment again tomorrow night.

Last night when W dropped off my kids, she said that my place looked nice. I had cleaned it up and done a bit of organizing before she brought the kids over. That is the first time she has complimented on anything in forever.

It is another part of changing. Learning to keep things how they should be and making a habit of it. Little things here and there will get noticed with time. I am working on being more attentive on the little things that get noticed.

Kevin

[K4D]

KerryK,

I have gone to some meetup groups. I have one in particular that I enjoy going to. And it is not a prayer group. Actually it is a divorce support group. Ironic since I am standing for my M and none of them are. But I have managed to make friends within the group so I enjoy hanging out with them. Actually, I take that back, 1 or 2 are standing for their M as they believe like me that it is a covenant M. But the majority aren't.

Dia, I do have a pastor that I still talk to that still lives across the street from W's house. Infact, I had coffee for an hour with him on Saturday.

Kevin