I can relate to some of what you're going thru right now...my quick 2 cents is that you KNOW what you need to do (remember those goals?) and that you know you've got to employ patience, non-angry responses, etc. You've really and truly entered a tremendously difficult stage of Piecing...the GOOD news is that ALL of what you've learned thru DB'ing is STILL applicable the BAD news is that it sometimes seems much harder to apply when they're sitting next to you on the couch .
Quote: I am sorta mad at myself, but I'm also thinking, "Okay, I was an ass but I did attempt to recover HOWEVER HE made NO ATTEMPT to use it as an opportunity to REASSURE he went immediately into the "there she goes again" mode instead of taking a minute to think, "Gee maybe I should say something like that song means nothing to me and never has, never will. ILY." Crazy me expecting HIM to do something different HUH? T2
Ya know that looking for reassurances from h is a cheeseless tunnel, right? I'm not saying don't hang out there...I've been there and it can be a nice enough place to visit, I suppose...just try not to move in! I found that when I set up house in the "looking for reassurances tunnel" my PMA went down, anger went up, patience took a leave of absence and resentment moved in as my next door neighbor!!!
If your h is anything like mine...you'll hear the reassurances eventually but (and this is where YOU come in)they may not be in the language that you're expecting or given in the time frame that you want them. I'm finding that my h. is a wonderful reassurer but rarely when I ask for it (well...he's getting much better at that) or EXPECT it. ASSumptions and EXPECTATIONS seem to be reassurance killers among WASes.
Anyway....just wanted to pop by...it IS exhausting, I know, so please try to take YOU time as you can....keep venting here and absolutely (!!!!) take the time out to note and list positives. That made a world of difference for me.
I know that holdingon has been encouraging you to live in the moment so let me reinforce that. I know you want reassurances and probably (?) some apologies, too...but those are about the future and the past. What's it feel like right here, right now? (OK, tiring! Scary! Anxious! )
When I get hung up about the future it's about FEAR. And the past? Well, that's about ANGER. If you focus on just this minute you may find it easier to feel happy, grateful, etc.
Sage PS You ARE doing great, you know that, right????
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
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