Frank, All of these posts would be more meaningful if they actually had anything to do with you. But they don't. We all love FIB and FH. Enough already......
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
If FIB needs all his friends to be on the same page in order for him to do something then he is a puppet. If someone, one person, not in FIBs shoes, can knock him so out of whack with a statement that may or may not be true, then FIB isn't where he says he is in this process.
Frank, I think your wound up over this because you identify so closely with FIB...granted your wife isn't nearly as monsterous as FIB's, but on a personal level you and FIB are cut of similar cloth.
Your harping on one point, over and over, do you need to be right that much? Is that the old Frank, the one who wouldn't let go? Is this what you want to be?
FIB,
Look...honestly, did that one statement really throw you of your game that much? Replay if you must ALL of your interactions that you have had with your wife in the last year. When where you angry with wife, what could have been differnet, and would it have changed anything?
Now ask yourself...does it f-ing matter? Life would be grand if we could go back and 'fix' the things we preceive as mistakes...or it would be hell...because we would never move forward, always going back instead.
You are where you are today.
Your wife would still act the same way if you were Buhhda.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I have my task at hand to respond to the above. First, today, in court.
Today was a hearing to resolve our requests for orders of protection. This stems from an incident in June when I awoke to find that my cell phone was missing. We met in front of the judge who suggested that if we agree to mutual orders, it would be done, both not agreeing to wrong doing. STBXW ask for a further explanation and cautioned that if not agreed to, it would go to trial today and "would be done in 14 minutes". She refused to agree.
We waited about 1-2 hours until we were called back in. The two attys were able to get a second adjournment in the hopes that we would reach a settlement beforehand. During that time, STBXW called me a liar, etc and didn't not want to agree, etc. After the adjournment, the four of us met in the hallway. Her atty, at times, can be nice and diplomatic. We tried to communicate somethings, but, STBXW returns it back at me and it comes across as petty squabbling which, indeed it is.
The main issue I wanted out in front of the four..was that I wanted 2 nights of homework, alternating Fridays and we split the WE. She brougth up one valid point about me making arrangements about weekends without consulting her first. At one point, I told her L that the greatest gift he could give us was a rapid settlement. At one point, STBXW attacked me saying that she was 'submissive' during the entire marriage...that she isn't anymore...and that I will need to remarry a submissive woman." It was very hard to get a word in edgewise.
My L got her to say that she agrees to selling the house. My L also said that since STBXW agrees, she wants me to maintain occupancy (the deed is in my name) until the house is sold. My my L and I asked her L to 'write up the stip' and get it done. At several points I shook his hand and thanked him.
So, a trial for orders of protection is adjourned to Oct. 23rd. STBXW agrees to sell the house. STBXW attacks me.
Input from my atty: 1) she is dangerous and unstable 2) "I saw how her eyes change and demeanor changes" 3) She has beautiful eyes but there is a sickness and she is unstable.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
No need to respond to any of the prior debate if you dont want to. It will only put fuel on a fire that needs to be extinguished.
Good deal on the getting some movement towards clousure. There are many other financial things to negotiate - college, spousal/child support, tax credits/deductions, debts, asset division.
But as I said before, both L's and the system have done a crappy job by not getting the custody/parenting plan settled first.
I hope your STBXW gets plenty of time to speak in front of a judge. She will be her own worst enemy.
FH and I are friends (yes, FH). We met several times and he has truly wanted me to save my marriage.
FH is the only DB'er to have met my STBXW...at Thanksgiving balloon inflation 2 years ago prior to filing
FH tooked me to see Fireproof when it first came out and after I had filed, and, as a gift, gave me the companion book.
Some painful truths:
my marriage is NOT reconcilable nor restorable
I have no anger, but my STBXW does
my STBXW will do almost anything to hurt me now
Some DB comments:
I journal here to document the demise of a marriage...so others can either learn from my mistakes, avoid mistakes, or, perhaps, realize when there is no hope.
I DO NOT JOURNAL HERE TO BE TOLD WHAT A GREAT GUY I AM OR WHAT A GREAT FATHER I AM. That is for newcomers. I DON'T COMMENT HERE TO DENIGRATE MY STBXW..but for others to see the pain of divorce and that even when you have tried to save your marriage and taken the high road, bad things still happen.
living under the same roof with a woman that hates you and constantly puts you down, can cause confusion and blur the truth, and, as such, I DO still post here sometimes to try and KEEP to the high road and maintain clarity
The reason I posted FH's recent email ANONYMOUSLY:
telling me that I had anger and that my marriage was still reconcilable was hurtful and confusing, especially when I posted that my kids were being withheld from me AND....the ANGRY things that SHE DID TO ME the week prior (dumping stuff in my BR sink; empting dishes onto my papers and bills; dumping my laundry all over the floor); pulling stuff out of my son's backpack that was supposed to go to school with him.
I wrote a second email to him asking him to reply to me why he ignored responding about her actions of withholding the children from me. He never responded. Why he accused ME of the anger instead of commenting on hers, I don't know....
he portrays me as posting here to denigrate my wife to garner self-support. TOTALLY ABSURD.
In summary, he is indirectly implying that I am still at blame for the demise of my marriage; he is assigning anger TO THE WRONG PERSON, and, in so doing, coming from him, found it hurtful and confusing.
To follow......
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Jack..L is a woman, and, in my books, has totally followed thru and kept to her game plan.
To KerryK...I agree. Today was a 'good day' to get things moving. STBXW can now take 'control' and finish this. Most of the stuff you mentioned is already listed: -75/25 college with SUNY cap -liberal visitation only asset to divide is house -child support is fixed, 25% of last years income.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
