First Piecing Thread

[Hope4us]

I'm so happy for you, Hope. I know you have been waiting for that for a long time. I put my rings back on early on, and still have them on, but I think you and your wife are closer emotionally than my H and I. I wish my H would work as hard as you in the "wooing" department.

And, Puppy. She's cautious, and she wants it to really mean everything she wants it to mean. I think we can all take something from Hope's patience. It DOES pay off.

What's his number? Maybe I should call him and talk some sense into him. Kind of sounds like your H just doesn't realize how much women like that wooing. Funny thing is though, I've always done that with my W, but I think it got to a point where she thought I was doing that stuff out of obligation or she didn't appreciate it anymore.

When I started NOT doing all the stuff she took for granted, she seemed to respond. It's like housework. For years, I did most, if not all, the housework, cooking etc. And it was ok, because of my work schedule, I had lots of time off during the week and didn't mind doing it. So when this all started I decided (with the help of some folks here) to quit doing what I'd always done. Now she doesn't complain about me not doing EVERYTHING, but she drops little hints that she wants some help.

Thanks for the support Didi. You're the best.

[fightingirish]

Hope,

Im so happy for you!!!!

[Hope4us]

Thanks TAL. I really appreciate it. I'm still here if you want to talk off line. You know how to get a hold of me.

WOW! How the times have changed. Things have been going great. I'm out of town for work and W has been an IM'ing/TM'ing fool in addition to the phone calls.

Last night she was having a bad night at home. Our puppy is a border collie mix and she is a HANDFULL. Well, the puppy was pissing W off and she was getting kind of pissy with me in some TM's so I called her on it and when she said she angry I said "ok, no need to take it out on me" and then quit responding. So a while later she TM's me about something totally off topic which I'm sure was just to start the convo again and we were ok. Spent the rest of the night TM'ing away until my battery died.

This morning she TM's me first thing and we traded TM's until I got to work. I told her I needed to get some work done and she replied "Ok, talk to you later, I love you"!

WOW. That's the first time she's said I love you to me without me saying it first!

This is me --->

Talk to ya soon.

[kat727]

Rings on and I love you? How exciting! You have waited a long time for those. I have no doubt things will continue to get better. I'm happy for you!!

hugs, kat

[Hope4us]

Hey everyone. Things just continue to get better and better. Yesterday, case in point.

W and I were sitting on a bench next to this smaller river in our area. We'd gone for a drive because it was such a beautiful day and we were driving along the river and spotted this bench behind this restaurant. So we stopped and went out and sat there enjoying the day.

Part way through the conversation we started talking about our upcoming trip to Disney. I said to her, "We've got a pretty big anniversary coming next year (25 years) and I was thinking we should go to Disney for 10 days in Oct". W looked at me and said "that would make me happy". I looked her dead in the eyes and said "are you happy?" And she grabbed me and pulled me close and gave me the most passionate kiss and said "Yes, I'm happy". She then said "I do love you". WOW!

This from the woman who just 5 months ago told me she thought she was happy before OM came along, but she after she met him, she realized she wasn't. I'd say the fog has definitely cleared.

Another one. W was telling me she was talking to her GF at work this week and they were discussing this benefit golf outing her work was having to help the kids of one of the guys who recently passed away. GF was saying even though she's very competitive, she could just never get into golf. W said "I told GF that I could never have fun golfing with out Hope4us. He is patient with me, relaxes me when I'm playing, and gives me suggestions to help with my game without making me feel bad". She said GF then said "I wish my H would do that, but he makes me feel bad about everything I do". W just looked at me with a smile on her face.

We came home and enjoyed the rest of the evening, watched some Football, fixed a frozen pizza, sat on the couch talking. About 10, W curled up in a ball and fell a sleep with her legs on my lap. It was the best feeling ever. A while later I covered her up with a blanket and went to bed. W came to bed a while later. Not going to lie, would have liked to have a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge, but it's ok. Those conversations and togetherness were worth more than anything.

Talk to ya soon.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

It's GREAT to hear of your progress! It warms my heart, after reading so many challenging sitches on here day after day.

I had a very similar weekend, and will update my thread shortly. My wife has done a COMPLETE "180" in the affection department (and in a lot of other ways, too), but I'm trying to stay guarded, as we've been in this place before, only to fall right back into our old SSM habits.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Thanks Pup. It IS a pretty good feeling. Knowing how close we were to the abyss just a year ago. I just have to keep reminding myself to not forget how we got to the place we were and to not let us go there again. And W is joining in.

She made one comment to me Sat night that really struck me. Won't go into it here because it doesn't really matter what it was about, but I just thought, WOW, she's communicating with me more than ever, now just don't blow it by not LISTENING.

I'll be looking for your update Pup. I've been dying to hear how it's going. I understand being guarded. I still find myself in that position. There's just been so much hurt that it's hard to not feel that way, but I try to catch myself and not let it get in the way of our healing.

Thanks for the note. I really appreciate it.

H4U.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Well, I appreciate your example of steadfast loving patience, H4U. I don't think I've ever told you this, but it has been an inspiration to me, and a needed "brake" on my "tough love" approach. It's caused me to re-think some positions, and open my mind to some things.

Thanks.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

I've thought long and hard about it Pup and I'm still not sure what's the best way. Would we have been further along if I'd taken the complete hard ball stance in the beginning? Don't know.

I do believe that a tough love approach is necessary to bust up the A. I don't believe the DB approach is the right way to go there. Being the waywards "friend" while they're actively involved in an A is unrealistic, IMHO.

Once the A is busted up, then I think patience is the key. Especially with a spouse that has got to the point in their feelings that they're ready to walk. And doubly especially with a spouse like mine that is as bull headed as they come.

I don't know. Maybe I was too bull headed to give up. Maybe it's my competitive nature, I hate to frickin lose. Maybe it was circumstance that I didn't really have many options at the time due to financial considerations that would allow me to end it. Maybe it was every time I looked at my kids and couldn't stand to see them be from a broken home. Still lots to think about.

But it's good. W and I had lunch today. I have to go out of town for a couple nights again, leaving in a bit. When I dropped her off I gave her a kiss and she told me to be careful and that she loved me. And it was good.

Thanks for the compliment Pup. It means a lot.

[kat727]

I was going to say the same thing...be tough during the affair and patient on the "working it out" bit. Still remembering to call them on the bad stuff. Look how far Hope has come. I am just beaming about the progress you have made. Keep it going.

hugs, kat