HOME AGAIN....ROUND 2

[holdingon]

I feel all of your hurt and angst. Everyone here knows it is hard.

I feel like I'm suffocating. I needed that "vacation" that the hurricane stole away from us. I need time away from this life to regroup. I need a few days away from all the reminders...triggers....etc. I need a solid week of happiness....I NEED to know that there is still happiness because I only see it in fleeting moments throughout these long and miserable days.

Is it possible to share this with your H? Or too soon? You know he doesn't want the triggers either. He is also wondering about the happiness part.

I feel that he is lying in wait for me to mess up and thus does things that provoke me to mess up.

Do you think maybe he feels this way, too? He KNOWS what he did.

I agonize solely over wondering WHAT issues did my H feel justified his As

Is it too early to ask him about this?

Unfortunately, I have read so many posts about no R talks with H, even in piecing. I know a lot of the WAS take forever to get to the point of talking about the A... and I know for the LBS that it has to happen to help us heal. As a man, he may feel that he came back, so that in itself has shown you that he is over it... but for us, I don't think that is enough.

Have you read After the Affair? Maybe it will have some insight as to what you can do. Maybe Sage or Shiny will chime in here too.

T2, so many of us WANT to be in the hell that you are in now. So... THINK OF US when you are ready to quit... you need to do this for US as well as yourself. Tackle the job, we all have faith in you, and everyone is here for you.

PS... don't forget DBing. Acting as if (for now, it WON'T be forever), validating his feelings. Pick your battles... you can seethe while you are saying, "yes, I am sure that was difficult for you to find your socks... I will be happy to get you a laundry basket of your own..." Pretend you are auditioning for the new Stepford Wife movie. Don't forget humor!!! Look how far you have come!!!