Hi BC, Sorry for your situation but you sound like you are doing really well. Sounds like you found DB at the right time, what you are doing w your H is exactly what my DB coach recommended (positive, affirming etc.), glad to see it seems to be working for you. Wish I had started DB before H moved out...Keep it up! Anyway, what is Light his fire?
I do think we seem to both be doing our part (undiscussed) in keeping a chain of goodwill gestures going. He even thanked me for putting his laundry away yesterday. I was wfh last night but excused myself from the phone for a few minutes to eat dinner with H and he told me about his day. Later on he got upset about a school function I asked if he would attend. I kept calm when he voiced his frustration & stomped around. I made sure to Thank him for going. Overall it was a positive evening Later that night for no real reason I woke up feeling emotional and hopeless. I wrote a bit and that helped from going down a negative thought path. I decided to break out of my current comfort zone and rested my arm on H in a sorta hug for part of the rest of the night. I'm not totally sure how he felt about it but at least he didn't purposely push me away or go sleep on the couch. He said nothing to me about it but I him well enough that if he felt it was beyond his boundaries, he'll find a way to show me that.
Guess we'll see...?
(Light his fire is an audio program I've been listening to that helped me see the dumb mistakes I made on my part in our marriage. Not sure it would apply to everyone but seems to fit my situation well.)
Hey BC - I will be checking into the Light His Fire series that you have mentioned. Hope to gain some helpful insight from it as well on more things that I can keep changing for myself.
I admire your PMA in all of this and it is definitely helping me to keep my chin up when I start feeling down in having others to relate to and their experiences and how they are handling their situations.
At least you are still in same bed with your H as well. I really miss sleeping together with mine, but try to tell myself that I like sleeping alone better just to keep my PMA going.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Thanks! Hope the series is helpful. I have the book too but find the audio tapes really seem to sink into my thick skull better.
I'm facing a challenge of being all emotional as I've realized I've started into my pms timeframe. Actually some nice progress with H last night but hard to make myself see it that way since I am so emotional right now. (I am trying really hard to not let that pms-attitude leak into my treatment of H....gosh it is hard!) Last night H spent some time alone with the kids after dinner while I was cleaning up the dishes. He thanked me for making dinner and said it was good. He came to bed about an hour earlier than he normally does!! (Could be a one time thing but still something different on his part!) He also got up on time and helped get the girls ready for school. He is not a morning person and normally I avoid talking to him in the morning because it used to always lead to fights. However he did talk to me a little bit this morning and the morning before - this is more talkative than he's been in the morning for years & years! Last night wasn't able to touch him as much but did rest my arm against his for awhile. It's a silly little thing but it makes me feel closer to him.
Still no relationship talk or idea what is in his head. On my end though I guess I've lost some weight because even people at work are starting to comment...not a bad thing. We are supposed to go to a wedding this weekend and I have a super-hot dress...want to look sexy in it!
I want to thank you for dropping in on me every now and again, I do appreciate it and am sorry I haven't been of more help or support here to you. I have been lurking and when I get my head sorted out after my latest shock I will be able to post more here.
