I'm new wondering if this works...

[Dia]

Hey, Hope,

Hang in there. We all hit rough patches!

Re: Him staying over (and other stuff, too) - the more you can keep the pressure off of him, the easier time he will have making those baby steps. And while it sucks to high Heaven, the only way to do that is by detaching and backing off as you've already noted.

It might also help if you started agreeing with him when he makes statement like the one about how the odds are against you. This is very counter-intuitive, and it can be fear-provoking for you but it does work.

Example:

H: Just don't use this against me if we D.

Hope (light and casual): Oh, no worries. I know where you stand. (then physically walk away like you have something to do elsewhere in the house)

Example 2:

H: The odds are against us.

Hope (light and off-hand): Yes, I know. (and go back to reading your book or whatever you were doing)

When you do this, you need to give the impression that the issue matters so little that it's hardly worth taking your attention off something else to respond.