I feel like cr*p. I feel so lonely. A sprinkler head broke at 5am and water was gushing and crashing down hard on the roof. I didn't know what it was at first. I felt so "single mom." I was glad my kids weren't here. I had one of those movie moments of all the weight I'll lift and catastrophes I'll manage on my own.
Yesterday took too much out of me. I think of my kids having this rootless, limbo feeling and it pains me for them. The joy on their little faces when I said I would put them to bed at daddy's just haunts me. They want their family together.
And, I can only be around him, I think, because I can know that the can of worms will never be opened, that I will never have to trust him again, share my body and soul with him again. I can shove all of the pain and torment away and be this other person, knowing that I'm safe because the married "we" is over and now we are something else, something rather shallow to me... something fun and light and honest to a point but he'll never know how my insides have been turned inside out.
RSF- I'll answer your post a little later. But I will say, I think he peed with the door open just like he passed gas in front of me because he's lazy and it is nice to just let it all hang out. But if that is intended to be enticing, he may want to try another angle.
I'm so sad this morning, crying, and I have to go get the kids from him and take them to school. Fake it...
