H came home after a pretty limited contact couple of weeks away so wasn't quite sure where we would be. Best part of Hs time at home is always the first few days, as you would expect.
Positives
-H came straight home from work, first time all year he didn't overnight on way home. -got ILY on phone while H driving home. Just realised this has now happened three times, the only ILYs all year have been when he drives home. -first words out of mouth were "mummy has been doing lots of yard work". Been doing lots for months, no verbal comment prior. Previous first comments first day back more negative "so much work needed" -lots of playing and bonding with kids -undertook several big yard projects having fun not cos he had to. -Lots of respect and excellent communication first between us few days. More "Our house" "we" comments.
Not so good
-after about six good days in a row, H hit replay when we went out to an informal family event. First such event he has attended all year, even though it was small and he likes everyone there, he spent the evening doing stuff like not talking to me, not getting me a drink when getting one for others etc. First time he has actaully done that in front of other people entire crisis, I found it odd he wait until now. He did mutter under his breath "one last hurrah" while having a drink. I still had a great night out myself. -Next day H, hungover, yelled at one of our toddlers having a tantrum. The kid was screaming, H only said one sentence but he has never yelled at the toddlers before, again a first. I have been waiting for a chance to state a boundary so said in front of toddlers " I think that was unnecessary and that you owe toddlers an apology" Got the apology, but as you might expect a lot of attitude as well. - I broke down in tears. He yardly yelled at toddler (I know compared to others here he is great with kids), I was just so shocked he did at all, and it was the straw on the camels back for me. H felt real bad straight away and started playing with kids and cuddling them etc, I grabbed my keys, took off out of the house to a very good friend who knows sitch and cried all night, didn't say a word or contact H. First time all crisis I have walked out and stayed out all night. -Next day H called and said he had arranged to go back to work early so could I come back home for the kids. I was expecting that he would leave, but he has always previously gone to the city after similar events and hung with mates.
I asked him if he thought he should apolgise to me for his behavior. He said "yes, sorry". I asked him if he thought it was ok to say very hurtful things and not apologise to me when he crossed way over the line. He said, no he should apologise. I asked him if he meant to say very hurtful things to me on an ongoing basis, because if he did that was pretty uncool, and if he didn't realise he was hurting me that was not good either. He said he was going back to work to "get his head straight and do some thinking". - I came home and dishes were done as was heaps of stuff around he house, H spoke to me nicely but withdrawn.
It felt a weird sequence of events. In some respects, it was normal, forward movement then pullback. My boundary mention went down well and I felt good about doing that for me. I cried in front of H, he hasn't seen that for four months, so ok I guess. I feel left with an odd vibe, it seemed like we jumped all over the place, left me a little confused!
So now it will be several days of minimal contact from him again.
