T2, Reading your posts, they might just have well been mine! That "dreaded" feeling that your referring to is anxiety. It's been my constant unwelcome companion for the last two yrs. It's born out of fear. We have so many of them while going through all the ups and downs. We fear the unknown. Everything we were once so certain of and felt so safe with was ripped away from us, and we are left feeling raw and vulnerable. When they recommit, it's still not the same as it was-YET. I too have had past failures at him coming home. Your list could have been mine. It was too soon before. I had not dealt with my anger of the A. and my trust for him was zero, and it showed. Although he said he understood my need for reasurrance, I had to ask for it and I did-often. I did not trust when he said he was going to have to work late, and I wondered constantly what he was doing during the day. I have all those doubts and fears this time too,although time has passed and I know he is not involed with OW other that some phone conversations and one lunch. I believe him when he tells me that he never really loved her,and has always loved me. SO, if I believe that, why do I have all these doubts and fears??? You are a little further down the road than us as we've not talked about him moving back in persay. We both know it will happen, and talk and act as if we know it will. I'm not ready yet. He's not ready yet. I can handle me not being ready, but I want him to really have the desire to come home-no doubts, before he does. I know what it felt like last time with him acting as if he wasn't sure he made the right decision. It made me want even MORE reasurrance! I'm so glad you wrote that list,because it made me see what I can't do again this time. I have to start NOW, although I've been doing a pretty good job of "acting as if" so far. Have you and your H had a serious R talk since you've been back together? We have been dating 3 months and just had the ultimate R talk the other night. I laid it all out-all of it in as non-threatening a way as I could. For the first time we talked about the A without him getting defensive. He took responsiblity for it and it really hit him how it had affected our family. We had to get it in the open and I needed to know what was going on with the OW before we could go to the next level of reconciliation. How does your H repsond if you try to have a R talk with him? Do you feel safe enough yet to try? Your H seems to be moving in slowly. Mine did that. He kept stuff at his old place and never got rid of it all and ended up moving back into it rigth before his lease was up. That's not to say that's what your H is doing. Men are procrastinators! Neither of us want that to happen again. My H does not know that our S has said he'll move out if his Dad moves back home. I only told him that S does not trust him which hurt him deeply but he understands and admits he has to earn the our trust again. I'm not sure you shouldn't follow your gut instincts if you think it might be too soon. You've been through it before. How does this time feel different? How much is your H acting like he REALLY wants to come home. Is he acting different from last time? Are YOU really prepared to do things differently NOW? Maybe your afraid of your own actions. I know I am. I have to be a higher trust level with him before I want him home, or I will sabatoge it again. We're taking a week long trip together the week of Thanksgiving to Colorado and taking our youngest S who is a senior this yr. Our oldest S lives in Denver, and my H wants to get a place in the mountains for us to stay. I know this will go a long way to bringing us closer. It's been ages since we've taken a vacation together,and he is really acting excited about this one. That tells me he's serious about all this. I'll be reading your posts to see how your handling all this because in my thread I just asked for advise for this very thing. I think we're both on our way back to the happily ever after part, but between now and when we finally get there (do we ever really? I hope!)there's this STUFF that has to be dealt with. Grey matter. We have to trust our instincts, and also put what we've learned into serious practice. One day at a time.......Rachael
