Dreams of a New Normal...

[RedSoxFan]

While there were so many moments that screamed possible reconciliation, there were just as many that screamed it is over...

...and wherer was that ration 1, 3 6 months ago?

He made it clear that he wants the relief of full disclosure. That is not really something I want. I let him know that certain topics should be covered more next week when we meet for what he referred to as "the talk"...but, I really don't want to discuss our personal lives.

Not sure what you mean here but either way it doesn't seem like the time is right.

We are family. I don't know how to shed that feeling. I don't know if I need to. I don't know what the new normal is supposed to look like, feel like. I don't know if I am being too cool...but, aside from a few moments of really digging us being a family together, digging his humor, feeling wifely (in a good way), overall, I felt like a lifelong friend...no pining, no tingly sensation.

Family, yes and will always be so from the boys perspective so you are.

I have no idea about the cool thing but I'd make a wild guess that you're on 10 or 11 and need to dial back to 9

As for tingly, This is just me but I'd go for the feeling of friendship first. Can't say that I'm sure about that one. Sometimes I wonder if by backing way off I'm just proving to W that the spark is gone.

I love that I was able to be so different. No bitching at him for things that have no bearing on me anymore. No nitpicking.

You're my hero. I really mean that.

I don't know what we are doing. I closed the bathroom door at one point earlier in the day because he was peeing with no consciousness of my presence. He was in his underwear at the end of the night as if that was just so normal.

LOL. Well crafted enticements based on very sophisticated man-logic! Accident...I think not.

I dunno. I am looking at a place tomorrow.

I understand what I love about the idea of having my family together because, even with all of the weirdness and ambiguity, we fit today. We laughed, we managed the kids, we kept it positive for the most part and together...

For now, there is no new normal. I am floating in outer space. I don't long for him but I do feel a bit lonely tonight.

This is beautiful A&K. You're on a path. It's a process. I'm sorry it feels lonely. From where I sit this looks like a pretty amazing day.

I'm guessing you don't want to get your hopes up. Caution and common sense are good. Looking at a place today is good. But do something for yourself today and let yourself feel good about yesterday.