UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Thanks to all the buddies for above responses. I think that I understand boundaries more now and I see that there are precious few that I can instill, rather insist on maintaining respectful contacts from H toward me.

Coming home to a letter from the real estate agent made me panic. It was addressed in our joint names and looked like an appointment to come value our home. I was really upset as I thought that H had carried out his threat and this was the formal notification. It was purely a mailshot.

It got me to thinking about what I would do, when and if that appointment date comes. If someone turns up at the door unannounced, I shall certainly turn them away. I feel that my favoured option would be to tell the agent that they are wasting their time as I have no intention of selling. This would work, unless H accompanies them to our home. Then I would have to let them proceed.

I have totally gone off the idea of getting the key back off H. I don't want him to pull out of paying the mortgage so will just trust him to honour his word not to come here when I am not. It seems that he is happy to do that, as he waited on the drive on Thursday night so the evidence for trusting him was there.

Periods of panic set in today whilst I was sat in a meeting (I didn't have much involvement so it was easy to let my mind wander). I was thinking about you all being in the same situation at work and wondering if you were concentrating as little on your jobs as I was on mine! I also had a vision of H having taken off his Wedding Ring and to me that speaks volumes. It made me feel so sick. I put up the red stop sign and tried to get involved in the meeting again but I can't help thinking that it is the biggest action of all that tells me he isn't coming home.

I know that things can be reversed but you can't help how you feel at the time.

Off out for coffee with neighbour this evening.